DR. Rizaldy R. Ferrer, PHD

Licensed Psychologist | Online psychological services available across participating PSYPACT states

Tag: Intentional Living

Creating vs. Fixing

When faced with life challenges, many of us default to “fixing” the difficulties because we assume that they are “broken,” rather than just are inevitable parts of life. Fixing may be an attempt to control every possible outcome in hopes of avoiding discomfort. While this may feel productive, it often fuels anxiety and distances us from the present moment. In contrast, the philosophy of “Creating vs. Fixing” encourages us to shift our focus to proactive, intentional actions that promote well-being in the now. Drawing on mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral practices, and existential psychology, this approach teaches us to live fully in the present while navigating life’s challenges. Let’s explore this transformative mindset through the lens of a therapy session between Cathy and I, a patient preparing for childbirth.

Cathy: I’d like to get some help with my pending childbirth and the fears I have about it. That’s at the top of my mind right now. I’ve mentioned to you before that childbirth has always been something I feared most of my life. And now, any day now, it’s happening. I’m already emotional about it. I’ve been trying not to dwell on it or think too much about it because it genuinely frightens me. I just want to ease that fear because it’s going to happen. If I go into it feeling afraid, I think it will make the experience worse. I want to own as much of the experience as possible because I believe it can be beautiful. But there are so many decisions and unknowns—it’s overwhelming.

Cathy proceeded with how she had been planning about her childbirth.

Dr. Ferrer: You seem to be overanalyzing your childbirth preparation—whether to drink the tea, do yoga stretches, eat the dates or even to determine how much epidural injections should you get. But all those are still making you anxious because you want a guarantee that they will make the process easier and also eliminate the fear you are experiencing recently. What if we shifted the focus from ensuring future success to asking, “What can I create right now that benefits me?”

Cathy: I feel stuck. I keep thinking, if I do all these things and they don’t make childbirth easier, what’s the point of even doing them? It feels like I’m setting myself up for disappointment even more.

Dr. Ferrer: That’s the mindset of “fixing”—doing something now purely to control a future outcome. Instead, let’s ask, “Does this action improve how I feel or function in this moment?” If drinking tea or stretching is better than worrying, then it’s worthwhile, regardless of what happens later.

Understanding the Problem: Fixing the Uncontrollable

The tendency to “fix” is natural. Fixing involves trying to solve or prevent future problems through meticulous analysis and planning. While this approach can be effective for practical tasks, it becomes problematic when applied to situations outside our control. Cathy’s fixation on childbirth preparation, for instance, stems from a desire to control an inherently unpredictable process. This overanalysis not only increases her anxiety but also consumes mental energy that could be used to enhance her current well-being.

The issue with fixing lies in its transactional nature—it’s tied to a specific desired outcome. If the outcome doesn’t align with expectations, the effort feels wasted. This mindset often leads to a cycle of disappointment, self-doubt, and paralysis.

The Alternative: Creating in the Present

In contrast, the argument of “creating” focuses on intentional actions that enhance the present moment, independent of future outcomes. By shifting her focus from controlling childbirth to engaging in meaningful activities, Cathy can redirect her energy toward actions that bring immediate value. Whether it’s deep cleaning her coffee maker, practicing gratitude meditation, or savoring her morning coffee, these acts of creation foster a sense of accomplishment and presence.

Creating isn’t just about productivity; it’s about cultivating a mindset of mindfulness and generativity. For Cathy, stretching or walking doesn’t have to guarantee an easier labor—it’s enough that these activities help her feel grounded and healthy now.

Why Creating Works: A Theoretical Perspective

  1. Mindfulness Theory (Kabat-Zinn, 1990): Creating aligns with mindfulness by anchoring individuals in the present. Mindful actions like gratitude meditations or sensory awareness reduce mental clutter and help individuals step out of anxiety cycles.
  2. Flow Theory (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990): By engaging in meaningful tasks, individuals enter a “flow state,” characterized by deep focus and enjoyment. Cleaning, walking, or stretching can be flow-inducing, helping Cathy feel accomplished and calm.
  3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Beck, 1976): Fixing often reflects cognitive distortions like catastrophizing or fortune telling. Creating, on the other hand, aligns with CBT principles by emphasizing actionable, positive behaviors that counter negative thought spirals.
  4. Existential Psychology (Frankl, 1946): Creating connects to the existential idea that meaning arises from proactive engagement with life’s challenges. By focusing on what she can create, Cathy finds purpose in the journey, not just the outcome.

Practical Steps to Shift from Fixing to Creating

To adopt the mindset of creating, consider these practical steps:

  1. Ask, “What can I do now?” Instead of worrying about outcomes, focus on actions that enhance your present.
  2. Engage your senses. Activities like smelling coffee beans or feeling the texture of your sheets can ground you in the moment.
  3. Practice gratitude. Start your day by identifying things you’re thankful for, then immerse yourself in those thoughts.
  4. Create daily intentions. Set achievable, well-being-promoting goals for the day, such as taking a walk or meditating.

A Transformative Perspective

By embracing the philosophy of “Creating vs. Fixing,” Cathy—and anyone grappling with uncertainty—may hopefully reduce anxiety, increase self-efficacy, and find joy in the process of living. This principle doesn’t negate the value of preparation but reframes it as a means to cultivate presence and intention. Life is unpredictable, but our ability to create meaning in the moment is always within our control.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References:

Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper & Row.

Frankl, V. E. (1984). Man’s search for meaning (Rev. ed.). Washington Square Press. (Original work published 1946)

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte Press.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are experiencing any mental health issues, please seek professional help. The author of this blog is not liable for any damages or injuries that may result from the use of the information provided here.

When applicable, the names, gender identification, location and/or other identifiable characteristics have been modified to maintain privacy and confidentiality; whilst, still maintaining the integrity of their stories and narratives.

I’m Active, Not Busy!

Over 10 years ago, during a therapy session with a 12-year-old patient, I started the conversation by asking, “How are you? Have you been busy?” He paused for a moment and then replied, “No, active.” His response struck me, and it since changed the way I think about the words I choose to describe my intentions and how I go about my day.

I realized that using the word “busy” often leaves me feeling stressed and anxious, as though I’m running around without purpose—like a chicken with its head cut off. When I reflect on how people usually say they’re “busy,” it often seems to carry a sense of being overwhelmed or not in control of life’s demands. Some even wear “busy” as a badge of honor, as if juggling too many things is normal, even though they don’t actually enjoy the feeling.

This experience inspired me to continue to explore how the words we use everyday matter in the way we think and their impact on our feelings and actions. In my work as a practicing psychologist, I pay attention to individuals’ experiences associated with “feeling busy,” and suggest trying to use “active” to gain more control over their behaviors. In this article, I also explore the cultural and common idea of being “busy” in today’s world, looking at research that shows how the words we use shape our behavior, thinking, and wellbeing.

The word “busy” seems to be a common answer to the question, “How are you?” For many, being “busy” has become a way of life, almost a standard response that suggests a sense of productivity and purpose. But is this really the case? The word “busy” often implies that we are overwhelmed and constantly reacting to endless demands. It suggests a lack of control over our time and energy, and it can carry a heavy sense of stress.

The Problem with “Busy”

When people describe themselves as “busy,” they might actually be conveying that their lives feel chaotic and unmanageable. Research shows that this perception of busyness is often linked to increased stress and burnout. A study by Gordon et al. (2019) found that the language we use to talk about our daily lives, like saying we’re “busy,” is directly related to how much stress we experience. People tend to feel less in control when they frame their day-to-day tasks as overwhelming and unmanageable.

In contrast, I argue that when we think of ourselves as “active,” there’s a shift in how we approach our tasks. Being “active” suggests intention and purpose—it implies that we are engaged in our activities by choice, rather than feeling trapped by them. This shift in perspective can make a significant difference in how we experience our daily lives.

Words Shape Our Reality

The idea that language shapes how we think, and feel has long been studied in the field of psychology. According to the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis (Whorf, 1956), the words we use influence our perception of reality. For instance, a study conducted by Boroditsky (2001) demonstrated that people who speak different languages perceive time differently based on how their language structures the concept of time. This finding shows that our words don’t just reflect our thoughts; they actively shape them.

When we repeatedly use the word “busy,” it can reinforce feelings of stress and anxiety, making it more challenging to find calm in our everyday activities. On the other hand, using a word like “active” can encourage a mindset that focuses on purposeful action and engagement, helping us feel more in control and less overwhelmed.

Changing Language, Changing Behavior

Research has also shown that changing our language can lead to changes in our behavior. Carol Dweck (2006), in her study of mindsets, found that students who used language focused on growth and learning were more resilient and willing to embrace challenges. They developed what she termed a “growth mindset,” which significantly improved their problem-solving skills and adaptability.

Applying this idea to our daily lives, when we choose to describe ourselves as “active” instead of “busy,” we might find that we approach challenges with more intention and clarity. The simple act of changing our language can help us shift from feeling overwhelmed to feeling engaged and purposeful.

The Impact on Wellbeing

Our choice of words also has a profound impact on our overall wellbeing. Studies have shown that people who regularly describe their lives as “busy” are more likely to experience negative emotions, such as anxiety and stress (Matthews & Wells, 2020). In contrast, those who describe their activities as “active” or “engaged” tend to report higher levels of satisfaction and a greater sense of accomplishment.

Killingsworth and Gilbert (2010) conducted a study revealing that people are happiest when they are fully present in their activities, regardless of how many tasks they have. This finding aligns with the idea that being “active” promotes mindfulness and focus, while being “busy” can lead to distraction and a sense of losing control over one’s life.

Conclusion

Choosing to be “active” rather than “busy” is more than just a shift in language—it’s a shift in mindset. This change can help us regain control of our lives, turning what feels like chaos into a series of purposeful actions. By reframing our tasks as part of a chosen engagement rather than overwhelming demands, we create a more balanced, intentional approach to our daily activities.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References

Boroditsky, L. (2001). Does Language Shape Thought? Mandarin and English Speakers’ Conceptions of Time. Cognitive Psychology, 43(1), 1-22.

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.

Gordon, C., Montgomery, A., & Napier, S. (2019). The Language of Stress: How Words Relate to Mental Health. Journal of Applied Linguistics, 15(2), 210-227.

Killingsworth, M. A., & Gilbert, D. T. (2010). A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind. Science, 330(6006), 932.

Matthews, G., & Wells, A. (2020). Stress and Language: The Role of Everyday Expressions in Mental Health. Health Psychology Review, 14(3), 456-478.

Whorf, B. L. (1956). Language, Thought, and Reality: Selected Writings of Benjamin Lee Whorf. MIT Press.

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