DR. Rizaldy R. Ferrer, PHD

Licensed Psychologist | Online psychological services available across participating PSYPACT states

Tag: Present Moment Awareness

Why We Remember Experiences More Than Time

Summer often seems to disappear faster than we expect. One reason may be that our brains don’t remember life by counting the days that pass—they remember the moments that stand out.

Research suggests that experiences that are new or emotionally meaningful are more likely to be stored as lasting memories than routine, predictable events (Schacter, Addis, & Buckner, 2007). When our days follow the same pattern, they tend to blend together. But even small moments of novelty—trying a new café, taking a different walking route, watching a sunset, or having an uninterrupted conversation—can make a season feel richer in hindsight.

This helps explain why a summer filled with meaningful moments often feels fuller in retrospect than one spent constantly busy. It’s not necessarily about doing more. Often, it’s about noticing more and being fully present for the experiences we’re already having.

As summer winds down, it may be worth asking yourself a different question. Instead of, “How much did I accomplish?” consider asking, “What moments do I want to remember?” More often than we realize, the memories that stay with us aren’t the biggest events—they’re the ordinary moments that we truly experienced.

Reference

Schacter, D. L., Addis, D. R., & Buckner, R. L. (2007). Remembering the past to imagine the future: The prospective brain. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 8(9), 657–661.

Living with Anxiety: Turning the Mind’s What If Into a What Now

Anxiety is a universal human experience. It’s not just the 30% of people who will meet criteria for an anxiety disorder in their lifetime (Bandelow & Michaelis, 2015). It’s the friend who can’t sleep before a big meeting, the parent who mentally runs through a dozen worst-case scenarios before their child even leaves the driveway, or the student who rewrites a text message three times before pressing send.

Our brains evolved to anticipate. This remarkable ability to look ahead has kept humans alive for millennia—it’s why early hunter-gatherers carried tools before they needed them and why we pack an umbrella when the forecast calls for rain. But the same foresight that allows us to prepare can also trap us in mental simulations of disaster, living in the tension of problems that haven’t happened yet—and may never happen at all.

From Story to Narrative—and Back Again

I hear the same underlying struggles in my recent therapy sessions with patients. One worries that a partner’s habits might shape their child’s future in harmful ways. Another lay awake imagining a tragic bike accident before their child even left the house.

Both situations were rooted in what I call the difference between story and narrative:

  • The story is what is actually happening right now.
  • The narrative is the version of events our mind constructs, often based on fear, assumption, or incomplete information.

When we mistake the narrative for the story, we start responding emotionally to a movie in our head rather than the facts in front of us. That’s where anxiety thrives.

What Science Says About Why We Worry

Modern research tells us anxiety is shaped by multiple forces—biological, cognitive, and environmental.

  • Trait vs. state anxiety (Spielberger, 1983) explains why some people tend to feel anxious across many situations, while others experience it only under specific stressors.
  • Reinforcement sensitivity theory (Gray & McNaughton, 2000) describes how an overactive “behavioral inhibition system” makes us extra alert to potential threats.
  • The tripartite model (Clark & Watson, 1991) helps explain why anxiety often overlaps with depression, highlighting shared features like negative mood and unique features like physiological arousal.
  • Recent neuroscience adds another layer: stress can actually alter gene expression through epigenetic mechanisms, potentially making us more sensitive to anxiety triggers over time (Zannas & West, 2014).

What these theories have in common is the recognition that anxiety isn’t just “in your head”—it’s a complex interaction between brain, body, and lived experience.

Worrying vs. Planning: A Crucial Distinction

Here’s the important part: worrying is never a requirement for effective action.

  • Worrying is imagining the future as if it’s already gone wrong, then reacting to that imagined outcome.
  • Planning is choosing an action in the present, without demanding that the future turn out a certain way.

Both are future-oriented, but only planning moves you forward. Worry burns energy; planning invests it.

What Works: From Therapy Room to Daily Life

In those sessions, the shift came from turning worry into intention. The process looked like this:

  1. Catch it early — Recognize, “This is worry.” Naming it interrupts the spiral.
  2. Anchor in the present — Ask, “What needs my attention right now?”
  3. Plan without prediction — Choose one next step without adding “and it must work out this way.”
  4. Use external supports — Reminders, notes, or scheduled check-ins to keep you aligned with action rather than rumination.
  5. Reframe the narrative — Replace “This will go badly” with “I’ll handle whatever comes.”

These strategies echo what research shows works best for anxiety: cognitive-behavioral methods to challenge distorted thoughts (Beck & Clark, 1997), mindfulness to stay in the present (Hofmann et al., 2010), and acceptance-based approaches that allow worry to exist without letting it steer the wheel (Hayes et al., 2006).

Try This Today

If you find yourself caught in “what if” thinking:

  • Pause and label it: “This is a narrative, not the story.”
  • Shift to a “what now” mindset: “What’s the smallest action I can take in the next 10 minutes?”
  • Ground yourself in sensory details—the sound of a kettle, the texture of your desk, the feel of your feet on the floor.
  • Close the loop by acting on your plan, no matter how small.

Final Thought

The challenge is not to silence our worries completely but to respond skillfully, using it as a prompt to plan instead of a trap and a downward spiral. When we can move from “what if” to “what now,” we reclaim the energy that worry steals and put it toward a present moment that we actually want to live in.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References

Bandelow, B., & Michaelis, S. (2015). Epidemiology of anxiety disorders in the 21st century. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 17(3), 327–335.

Beck, A. T., & Clark, D. A. (1997). An information processing model of anxiety: Automatic and strategic processes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 35(1), 49–58.

Clark, L. A., & Watson, D. (1991). Tripartite model of anxiety and depression. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 100(3), 316–336.

Gray, J. A., & McNaughton, N. (2000). The neuropsychology of anxiety: An enquiry into the functions of the septo-hippocampal system. Oxford University Press.

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.

Hofmann, S. G., Sawyer, A. T., Witt, A. A., & Oh, D. (2010). The effect of mindfulness-based therapy on anxiety and depression: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(2), 169–183.

Spielberger, C. D. (1983). Manual for the State-Trait Anxiety Inventory. Consulting Psychologists Press.

Zannas, A. S., & West, A. E. (2014). Epigenetics and the regulation of stress vulnerability and resilience. Neuroscience, 264, 157–170.

Creating vs. Fixing

When faced with life challenges, many of us default to “fixing” the difficulties because we assume that they are “broken,” rather than just are inevitable parts of life. Fixing may be an attempt to control every possible outcome in hopes of avoiding discomfort. While this may feel productive, it often fuels anxiety and distances us from the present moment. In contrast, the philosophy of “Creating vs. Fixing” encourages us to shift our focus to proactive, intentional actions that promote well-being in the now. Drawing on mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral practices, and existential psychology, this approach teaches us to live fully in the present while navigating life’s challenges. Let’s explore this transformative mindset through the lens of a therapy session between Cathy and I, a patient preparing for childbirth.

Cathy: I’d like to get some help with my pending childbirth and the fears I have about it. That’s at the top of my mind right now. I’ve mentioned to you before that childbirth has always been something I feared most of my life. And now, any day now, it’s happening. I’m already emotional about it. I’ve been trying not to dwell on it or think too much about it because it genuinely frightens me. I just want to ease that fear because it’s going to happen. If I go into it feeling afraid, I think it will make the experience worse. I want to own as much of the experience as possible because I believe it can be beautiful. But there are so many decisions and unknowns—it’s overwhelming.

Cathy proceeded with how she had been planning about her childbirth.

Dr. Ferrer: You seem to be overanalyzing your childbirth preparation—whether to drink the tea, do yoga stretches, eat the dates or even to determine how much epidural injections should you get. But all those are still making you anxious because you want a guarantee that they will make the process easier and also eliminate the fear you are experiencing recently. What if we shifted the focus from ensuring future success to asking, “What can I create right now that benefits me?”

Cathy: I feel stuck. I keep thinking, if I do all these things and they don’t make childbirth easier, what’s the point of even doing them? It feels like I’m setting myself up for disappointment even more.

Dr. Ferrer: That’s the mindset of “fixing”—doing something now purely to control a future outcome. Instead, let’s ask, “Does this action improve how I feel or function in this moment?” If drinking tea or stretching is better than worrying, then it’s worthwhile, regardless of what happens later.

Understanding the Problem: Fixing the Uncontrollable

The tendency to “fix” is natural. Fixing involves trying to solve or prevent future problems through meticulous analysis and planning. While this approach can be effective for practical tasks, it becomes problematic when applied to situations outside our control. Cathy’s fixation on childbirth preparation, for instance, stems from a desire to control an inherently unpredictable process. This overanalysis not only increases her anxiety but also consumes mental energy that could be used to enhance her current well-being.

The issue with fixing lies in its transactional nature—it’s tied to a specific desired outcome. If the outcome doesn’t align with expectations, the effort feels wasted. This mindset often leads to a cycle of disappointment, self-doubt, and paralysis.

The Alternative: Creating in the Present

In contrast, the argument of “creating” focuses on intentional actions that enhance the present moment, independent of future outcomes. By shifting her focus from controlling childbirth to engaging in meaningful activities, Cathy can redirect her energy toward actions that bring immediate value. Whether it’s deep cleaning her coffee maker, practicing gratitude meditation, or savoring her morning coffee, these acts of creation foster a sense of accomplishment and presence.

Creating isn’t just about productivity; it’s about cultivating a mindset of mindfulness and generativity. For Cathy, stretching or walking doesn’t have to guarantee an easier labor—it’s enough that these activities help her feel grounded and healthy now.

Why Creating Works: A Theoretical Perspective

  1. Mindfulness Theory (Kabat-Zinn, 1990): Creating aligns with mindfulness by anchoring individuals in the present. Mindful actions like gratitude meditations or sensory awareness reduce mental clutter and help individuals step out of anxiety cycles.
  2. Flow Theory (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990): By engaging in meaningful tasks, individuals enter a “flow state,” characterized by deep focus and enjoyment. Cleaning, walking, or stretching can be flow-inducing, helping Cathy feel accomplished and calm.
  3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Beck, 1976): Fixing often reflects cognitive distortions like catastrophizing or fortune telling. Creating, on the other hand, aligns with CBT principles by emphasizing actionable, positive behaviors that counter negative thought spirals.
  4. Existential Psychology (Frankl, 1946): Creating connects to the existential idea that meaning arises from proactive engagement with life’s challenges. By focusing on what she can create, Cathy finds purpose in the journey, not just the outcome.

Practical Steps to Shift from Fixing to Creating

To adopt the mindset of creating, consider these practical steps:

  1. Ask, “What can I do now?” Instead of worrying about outcomes, focus on actions that enhance your present.
  2. Engage your senses. Activities like smelling coffee beans or feeling the texture of your sheets can ground you in the moment.
  3. Practice gratitude. Start your day by identifying things you’re thankful for, then immerse yourself in those thoughts.
  4. Create daily intentions. Set achievable, well-being-promoting goals for the day, such as taking a walk or meditating.

A Transformative Perspective

By embracing the philosophy of “Creating vs. Fixing,” Cathy—and anyone grappling with uncertainty—may hopefully reduce anxiety, increase self-efficacy, and find joy in the process of living. This principle doesn’t negate the value of preparation but reframes it as a means to cultivate presence and intention. Life is unpredictable, but our ability to create meaning in the moment is always within our control.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References:

Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper & Row.

Frankl, V. E. (1984). Man’s search for meaning (Rev. ed.). Washington Square Press. (Original work published 1946)

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte Press.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are experiencing any mental health issues, please seek professional help. The author of this blog is not liable for any damages or injuries that may result from the use of the information provided here.

When applicable, the names, gender identification, location and/or other identifiable characteristics have been modified to maintain privacy and confidentiality; whilst, still maintaining the integrity of their stories and narratives.

Reflecting on Lao Tzu’s Proverb

The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step: Understanding Lao Tzu’s Wisdom in Everyday Life

Have you ever heard of the saying, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step?” This famous proverb written by the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu has resonated for over 2,500 years. Found in the Dao De Jing (also known as the Tao Te Ching), this proverb is a key principle in Daoism, a philosophy focused on living in harmony with nature and the world around us. His words offer a gentle reminder that there’s no need to be preoccupied on big accomplishments or distant destinations; instead, we can find meaning in each individual step, appreciating the journey itself rather than being distracted by any particular endpoint.

What I Think Lao Tzu Meant

When Lao Tzu wrote, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,” his words did not include that the destination to a thousand miles begins with one step. he was encouraging people to start taking action by focusing on the present. In the Dao De Jing, Chapter 64 says, “A journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one’s feet” (Lao Tzu, trans. D.C. Lau, 1963), underscoring that each journey unfolds through the small steps we take. His view doesn’t place special emphasis on reaching a destination or achieving a specific goal. Instead, the journey itself is what matters. Each action, each step forward, is a part of the process, and that’s where we find value.

This approach aligns with Lao Tzu’s belief in Dao, or “the Way,” which is the natural flow of life. The Dao De Jing teaches that everything progresses naturally, without force or hurry. Just as a tree grows at its own pace, Lao Tzu believed we should approach life with patience, moving forward one step at a time without focusing on any final destination. This “step-by-step” journey is where life’s true beauty and lessons lie, and if it leads us somewhere, it’s simply a result of our actions, not the ultimate purpose of our steps (Henricks, 1989).

Living Without a Destination

One key part of Lao Tzu’s philosophy, as seen in the Dao De Jing, is that we can be present and engaged in our lives without having a set goal in mind. The proverb doesn’t suggest that we take steps just to reach a destination; in fact, Lao Tzu’s teachings caution against being too focused on outcomes or future successes. However, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have interests or pursue activities, either; but rather that the steps themselves are fulfilling and valuable even if we don’t achieve some specific endpoint that we expected. According to Lao Tzu, by focusing on each present step, we avoid getting weighed down by expectations of where these steps “should” lead.

In my own understanding, each step we take in life is the journey. While it may take us somewhere eventually, each step holds meaning on its own without needing to be a means to an end. For instance, many people see goals like advancing in a career as final destinations. But for those who resonate with Lao Tzu’s thinking, the daily actions of working, learning, and acquiring are the real journey. They don’t need to lead anywhere specific for each step to have significance. This mindset helps us appreciate each moment of our experiences without always measuring them by where they might take us in the future.

Non-Attachment and Embracing Change

Lao Tzu also taught wu wei, which translates as “non-action” or the idea of acting without force or attachment to outcomes. In this sense, wu wei encourages us to take steps forward without becoming overly focused on or attached to any results. Lao Tzu understood that when people fixate on reaching a certain goal, they may feel disappointment or even failure if things don’t go exactly as planned (Kohn, 1993). Instead, embracing wu wei allows us to accept change and to take each step as it comes without expecting that it will “get us” anywhere specific.

This way of thinking can be valuable in our daily lives. Often, people are under pressure to achieve big milestones, like reaching specific grades, securing a job, or even hitting social milestones. By focusing on each step instead, we feel less anxiety about where we’ll end up. In my own interpretation, the journey truly lies in each single step, not in where that step leads. This flexibility allows us to be more open to life’s changes without feeling discouraged by altered paths.

Taking Small Steps to Improve Daily Life

Sometimes, the thought of starting a journey can be daunting, especially if the steps seem difficult or the process feels overwhelming. This is where Lao Tzu’s wisdom can make a difference. By concentrating only on the present step, we avoid feeling weighed down by the unknown future. One of my patients shared how this approach helped them find meaning in each small, daily action. They celebrated “small wins” each day, and by taking things one day at a time, they found greater fulfillment. This approach allowed them to embrace each step without feeling overwhelmed by where the journey might or might not lead.

Another patient used this idea to break down their journey into manageable actions, focusing only on the step in front of them. This shift in perspective helped them let go of the pressure to achieve specific outcomes and instead, they discovered the peace that comes from simply experiencing each part of the journey. Lao Tzu’s philosophy of focusing on one step, one day at a time, brings a sense of calm, allowing each moment to hold value for what it is.

Main Takeaway: Applying This Proverb to Everyday Life

The main message in Lao Tzu’s words is that we don’t need to be fixated on a destination to find meaning in what we do. Instead, we can live more peacefully by embracing each action, appreciating the journey, and letting go of specific outcomes. Here are a few ways to apply this wisdom in your life:

  1. Start Small and Stay Present: When you have a big project or life change, focus on the first, smallest step you can take. Appreciate this single action without worrying about the final result.
  2. Be Flexible: Allow yourself to change paths if life shifts, knowing that each step is valuable on its own. Flexibility can bring more peace to the journey.
  3. Celebrate Each Step: Recognize and appreciate small accomplishments. Each day has meaning, and you don’t need to focus on some distant achievement for each action to matter.
  4. Find Appreciation in the Process: Instead of setting rigid goals, focus on being present with each moment. Remember that every experience has something to offer, regardless of where it leads.

By focusing on one step at a time, we can live a life that values harmony, presence, and peace. Lao Tzu’s wisdom reminds us that the journey of a thousand miles is not about getting somewhere, but about valuing each step for what it is. In doing so, we find fulfillment in each moment, and life becomes a continuous path of meaning, not just a quest for a final goal.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References:

Lao Tzu. (1963). Tao Te Ching (D.C. Lau, Trans.). Penguin Books.

Henricks, R.G. (1989). Lao-tzu: Te-Tao Ching. Ballantine Books.

Kohn, L. (1993). The Taoist Experience: An Anthology. SUNY Press.

    • Kohn’s anthology discusses wu wei, or non-action, and elaborates on how Daoism encourages acting without attachment to outcomes, which aligns with the non-goal-oriented interpretation of Lao Tzu’s proverb.

Sidebar