DR. Rizaldy R. Ferrer, PHD

Licensed Psychologist | Online psychological services available across participating PSYPACT states

Category: Emotions (Page 2 of 2)

Mental Health ≠ Mental Illness

Many people still confuse mental health with mental illness, but they are not the same. Everyone has mental health—just like we all have physical health—but not everyone experiences mental illness.

What is Mental Health?

Mental health refers to our overall psychological well-being. It encompasses how we cope with daily stressors, maintain relationships, make decisions, and feel about ourselves. It is not just the absence of mental illness; it also includes positive traits such as resilience, emotional regulation, and life satisfaction.

Teixeira et al. (2025) emphasize that mental health must be seen as “a dynamic state of internal equilibrium,” which supports effective functioning in society, and is distinct from diagnosable mental disorders.
What is Mental Illness?

Mental illness refers to clinical conditions such as depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, among others. These are diagnosable mental health conditions that often require specific treatment, including therapy, medication, or both.

Nguyen et al. (2025) found that even among healthcare professionals, there remains confusion between these two terms, leading to inadequate preventive strategies and perpetuating stigma.

Prevention, Maintenance, and Growth

Just like we eat healthy foods and exercise to maintain our physical health, we must actively care for our mental health. Mental health promotion includes:

  • Practicing mindfulness and reflection
  • Building strong social connections
  • Engaging in physical activity
  • Seeking help when needed—early!

According to Fiorillo & De Giorgi (2024), proactive public health policies should target social determinants like income, education, and housing to build resilience and reduce risks for mental illness.

Challenging the Stigma

The stigma around mental illness often prevents people from seeking help. But framing mental health as universal and maintainable can shift this perspective.

A recent scoping review by Plackett et al. (2024) found that social media campaigns that emphasize mental health as everyday well-being (not illness alone) significantly improve attitudes and help-seeking behavior.

Everyone Has Mental Health—Just Like Physical Health

Let’s normalize talking about emotions and seeking support—not just in crisis, but as a routine part of life.

📌 Key Takeaways:

  • Mental health is for everyone; mental illness is not.
  • Promoting mental health is about building well-being, not just treating disorders.
  • Reducing stigma starts with education and open conversations.
  • Prevention, just like in physical health, can significantly reduce mental health issues.

References:

Fiorillo, A., & De Giorgi, S. (2024). Social Determinants of Mental Health. Springer. https://raggeduniversity.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/1_x_Andrea-Fiorillo-editor-Serafino-De-Giorgi-editor-Social-Determinants-of-Mental-Health-Sustainable-Development-Goals-Series-Springer-2024_compressed.pdf

Nguyen, M.V., Khanh, H.D., & Phan, C.T. (2025). Investigating the impacts of psychological safety climate on mental ill health. Engineering, Construction and Architectural Management. https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/ECAM-11-2024-1576/full/html

Plackett, R., Steward, J.M., Kassianos, A.P., Duenger, M. (2024). The effectiveness of social media campaigns in improving knowledge and attitudes towards mental health and help-seeking. JMIR Preprints. https://s3.ca-central-1.amazonaws.com/assets.jmir.org/assets/preprints/preprint-68124-submitted.pdf

Teixeira, A.I., Martins, S., Lima, S., Pinto, F., & Morgado, T. (2025). A Mixed Methods Approach to Understanding Mental Health Literacy Among University Health Students. Healthcare, 13(7), 724. https://www.mdpi.com/2227-9032/13/7/724

What is Positive Psychology

Positive psychology is a part of psychology that focuses on the positive parts of life. Instead of only studying problems like sadness or anxiety, it looks at what helps people feel happy, strong, and fulfilled. Psychologists in this field ask questions like, “What makes life meaningful?” or “What helps people stay hopeful even during hard times?” It’s about understanding what goes well in life and how we can have more of it (Seligman & Csikszentmihalyi, 2000).

One important idea in positive psychology is that everyone has personal strengths. These can be things like kindness, bravery, creativity, or love of learning. When we use our strengths, we often feel more confident and motivated. Positive psychology also shows that practicing gratitude—like writing down things you’re thankful for—can boost your mood and help you handle stress better. Even simple acts, like helping others or spending time in nature, can help improve mental well-being.

Positive psychology teaches us that mental health is not just about fixing problems, but also about building a life that feels good and meaningful. It reminds us to focus on what’s going right, not just what’s going wrong. By learning more about our strengths, practicing gratitude, and connecting with others, we can feel happier and stronger each day. In this way, positive psychology helps people not just survive—but thrive.

References
Seligman, M. E. P., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). Positive psychology: An introduction. American Psychologist, 55(1), 5–14. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.5

You Are Enough: Understanding Self-Worth and Finding Fulfillment

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, it’s just not enough? Maybe you’ve thought, “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m not successful enough,” or “I’m not good enough for others.” You’re not alone. Many people experience these thoughts, often without realizing how much they affect their happiness and mental well-being.

Psychologists have studied this issue for years and found that feeling “enough” is not about how much you achieve but rather about how you see yourself. Research in positive psychology, mental health, and counseling psychology shows that self-worth is something we can nurture and grow—and it doesn’t depend on being perfect (Seligman, 2019).

Why Do We Feel “Not Enough”?

There are many reasons people feel like they don’t measure up. Some of the most common include:

1. Comparing Ourselves to Others

Social media makes it easy to compare our lives to others. We see people traveling the world, getting promotions, or looking flawless in photos. It’s easy to think, “Why don’t I have that?” or “I must be doing something wrong.” But the truth is, social media only shows the highlights, not the struggles (Cain et al., 2008).

2. Society’s Expectations

We live in a world that constantly tells us we need more—more success, more beauty, more accomplishments. Advertisements, movies, and even well-meaning family members can make us feel like we aren’t doing enough to be happy. But studies show that chasing perfection often leads to anxiety and burnout rather than true fulfillment (Flett & Hewitt, 2002).

3. Childhood Experiences

The way we were raised also plays a role in our self-worth. If we grew up in an environment where we felt criticized or unappreciated, we might carry those feelings into adulthood (Emde, 1981). The good news? We can rewire our thinking and develop a healthier sense of self.

What Psychology Says About Being “Enough”

So, how can we break free from these negative thoughts? Research in psychology has identified a few key ideas that help people build confidence and feel more fulfilled.

1. Focus on What Really Matters

Dr. Martin Seligman, a leading psychologist, developed the PERMA Model to explain what truly brings happiness (Seligman, 2019). According to this model, fulfillment comes from:

  • Positive emotions – Finding joy in small moments.
  • Engagement – Doing activities that make you lose track of time.
  • Relationships – Spending time with people who care about you.
  • Meaning – Having a sense of purpose.
  • Accomplishment – Setting goals that matter to you.

This model shows that happiness doesn’t come from being perfect—it comes from living a life that feels meaningful to you.

2. Stop the Negative Self-Talk

Many of us have an inner voice that constantly says, “You’re not good enough.” But what if we challenged that voice? Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) teaches people to replace negative thoughts with realistic, supportive ones (Kazdin, 2000).

For example, instead of thinking, “I’ll never be successful,” try:
✅ “I am learning and growing every day.”

Instead of “I’m not attractive enough,” try:
✅ “I am unique, and my worth isn’t based on my looks.”

These small shifts in thinking can have a huge impact on self-confidence.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Dr. Kristin Neff (2011) studied self-compassion, which means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d show a friend. Instead of being harsh on yourself for making mistakes, try saying, “It’s okay. Everyone struggles sometimes.”

Research shows that self-compassion reduces anxiety and depression while increasing happiness. So, the next time you’re feeling down, talk to yourself like you would talk to a loved one.

Simple Ways to Feel “Enough” Every Day

If you struggle with feelings of inadequacy, here are some practical ways to start building self-worth:

1. Write Down Your Strengths

Each day, write down three things you like about yourself—it could be your kindness, humor, or creativity. Over time, this helps train your brain to focus on the positive instead of the negative.

2. Limit Social Media Use

Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Instead, follow pages that inspire and uplift you.

3. Spend Time with Supportive People

Surround yourself with friends and family who appreciate you for who you are, not for what you achieve.

4. Set Realistic Goals

Instead of pressuring yourself to be perfect, set small, achievable goals. Celebrate progress, not just results.

5. Practice Gratitude

Take a moment each day to appreciate what you have. Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s already good in your life.

Final Thoughts: You Are Already Enough

You don’t need to be richer, thinner, or more successful to be worthy. Your value isn’t based on how much you accomplish or how perfect you appear to others. You are enough—just as you are.

Science shows that true happiness doesn’t come from external achievements but from how we see ourselves and how we live our lives. By practicing self-compassion, changing negative thoughts, and focusing on what truly matters, you can start embracing your worth.

So, the next time you doubt yourself, remember: You are already enough. 💙

References

  • Cain, N. M., Pincus, A. L., & Ansell, E. B. (2008). Narcissism at the crossroads: Phenotypic description of pathological narcissism across clinical theory, social/personality psychology, and psychiatric diagnosis. Clinical Psychology Review, 28(4), 638-656.
  • Emde, R. N. (1981). Mother’s presence is not enough: Effect of emotional availability on infant exploration. Developmental Psychology, 17(3), 292-293.
  • Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2002). Perfectionism: Theory, research, and treatment. American Psychological Association.
  • Kazdin, A. E. (2000). Encyclopedia of psychology. American Psychological Association.
  • Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1-12.
  • Seligman, M. E. P. (2019). Positive psychology: A personal history. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 15, 1-23.
  • Seligman, M. E. P., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). Positive psychology: An introduction. American Psychologist, 55(1), 5-14.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

“Hmm” vs. “Ugh”

Life throws curveballs—missed deadlines, unexpected weather, or even just a bad day. Our reactions to these moments can significantly impact our mental health. Most of us are familiar with the instinctive “ugh,” a reaction rooted in frustration, dismay, or rejection. But what if we replaced “ugh” with “hmm”? This small shift, from resistance to curiosity, can make a big difference in how we navigate life’s challenges.

The Science Behind “Ugh”

“Ugh” is more than just an expression—it’s a manifestation of emotional reactivity. According to Beck’s (1976) cognitive theory, such reactions may arise from distorted thinking. When things don’t go our way, our brains tend to catastrophize or overgeneralize. For instance, spilling coffee might spark an “ugh” followed by the thought, “This ruins my whole day.” This automatic negativity can increase stress and anxiety, trapping us in a cycle of frustration.

Additionally, “ugh” often reflects misperceptions. Imagine planning a beach day, only to encounter rain. The initial “ugh” assumes the trip is ruined. However, this reaction misses the potential for alternative enjoyable activities, such as visiting a local café or spending quality time indoors. By sticking to the “ugh” response, we limit our ability to adapt and find joy in the unexpected.

Why “Hmm” Matters

In contrast, “hmm” embodies curiosity and openness, encouraging us to pause, reflect, and explore. This shift can transform how we experience challenges.

  1. Reduces Negative Judgments. When we respond with “hmm,” we suspend judgment and consider alternative perspectives. Carl Rogers (1951) emphasized the importance of this openness for emotional wellbeing. Instead of thinking, “Ugh, my coworker is so rude,” curiosity might lead us to wonder, “Hmm, what might be going on with them today?”
  2. Encourages Mindfulness. Mindfulness involves staying present and observing experiences without judgment (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). Saying “hmm” instead of “ugh” keeps us grounded, reducing stress and fostering emotional regulation.
  3. Promotes Problem-Solving. The “ugh” mindset focuses on obstacles, while “hmm” seeks solutions. Research on emotion regulation by Gross (1998) shows that reframing situations leads to better outcomes. For example, when a plan falls apart, “hmm, how else can I make this work?” encourages creative thinking.
  4. Fosters Emotional Resilience. A curious approach helps us process emotions more effectively. Asking, “Hmm, why do I feel this way?” can provide insights, reducing the urge to suppress or avoid uncomfortable feelings.

How to Shift from “Ugh” to “Hmm”

Changing your default reaction takes practice, but it’s worth the effort. Here’s how to start:

  1. Notice the “Ugh”
    Pay attention to moments when you react with frustration or dismay. Simply recognizing the “ugh” is a step toward change.
  2. Pause and Reflect
    Instead of jumping to conclusions, take a deep breath and ask yourself a question beginning with “hmm.” For example:

    • “Hmm, what can I learn from this?”
    • “Hmm, how can I approach this differently?”
  1. Reframe the Situation
    Curiosity opens the door to new possibilities. Focus on what you can explore or adapt in the moment rather than dwelling on what went wrong.

Switching from “ugh” to “hmm” is a simple yet powerful tool for improving mental health. Curiosity helps us navigate life with openness and creativity, turning challenges into opportunities for growth. So, the next time life throws you a curveball, pause. Trade the “ugh” for a thoughtful “hmm,” and see how it transforms your perspective.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References

  • Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.
  • Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271–299.
  • Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte Press.
  • Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-centered therapy: Its current practice, implications, and theory. Houghton Mifflin.

Holiday Hugs and Heartstrings

As the holiday season rolls around, it brings more than just decorations, delicious food, and gift exchanges—it offers a unique opportunity to deepen social connections. While the festivities may look different for everyone, the psychological need for connection remains universal. Understanding the psycho-educational basis of social connection during the holidays reveals why relationships play such a crucial role in this season’s joy.

The Psychological Need for Connection

Human beings are inherently social creatures. Psychologist Abraham Maslow highlighted connection as a fundamental need in his hierarchy, emphasizing its role in overall wellbeing (Maslow, 1943). During the holidays, this need becomes even more pronounced as cultural and familial rituals remind us of the importance of relationships.

Research shows that social connection is linked to mental and physical health benefits. A sense of belonging can lower stress levels, reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and even improve cardiovascular health (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010). Social bonds trigger the release of oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone,” which promotes feelings of trust and reduces stress. Moreover, spending time with loved ones activates the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and serotonin—neurotransmitters linked to happiness and emotional stability. In other words, connection literally makes us feel good. This is particularly meaningful during the holidays, a time when many feel heightened emotions—both positive and challenging.

The Holidays: A Unique Context for Connection

The holidays amplify this need for connection for several reasons. For one, rituals such as sharing meals, exchanging gifts, or lighting candles create opportunities for bonding. These shared traditions foster a sense of community and continuity, even across generations. They remind us that we’re part of something larger than ourselves.

At the same time, the holidays can also heighten feelings of loneliness for those who lack a strong social network. For individuals without family nearby, creating “chosen families” through friendships can help fill this gap. In fact, studies have shown that the quality of relationships, rather than their quantity, is what matters most for psychological health.

Addressing Social Challenges During the Holidays

While the holidays can bring joy, they can also highlight feelings of loneliness for some. It’s essential to recognize that not everyone has access to close-knit social circles. For these individuals, intentional efforts—such as reaching out to a friend, volunteering, or joining a community event—can create meaningful connections.

Additionally, cultivating self-compassion can buffer against feelings of isolation. According to Neff (2003), self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, particularly during emotionally difficult times.

The Impact on Collective Wellbeing

Beyond individual benefits, social connection during the holidays fosters collective wellbeing. It strengthens communities, builds resilience, and reinforces cultural traditions. By prioritizing relationships, whether through family gatherings, reconnecting with friends, or supporting neighbors, we contribute to a ripple effect of positivity.

Tips for Enhancing Social Connection This Holiday Season

Prioritize Quality Time: Focus on meaningful conversations and shared experiences instead of being distracted by tasks or technology.

Embrace Inclusivity: Reach out to neighbors, colleagues, or acquaintances who might not have a place to celebrate, creating a stronger sense of community.

Stay Present: Whether through virtual calls or in-person gatherings, being emotionally present fosters deeper connections.

Practice Gratitude: Expressing appreciation for loved ones strengthens bonds and creates a positive feedback loop of warmth and affection.

The Ripple Effect

Social connection during the holidays doesn’t just benefit individuals—it also has a ripple effect. Families who feel emotionally close are better at resolving conflicts, friendships deepen through shared experiences, and communities grow stronger when people actively include others. By investing in connection, we collectively create a brighter, more supportive environment for all.

So this holiday season, remember that togetherness isn’t just a tradition—it’s a psychological cornerstone of happiness. Whether it’s a heartfelt conversation, a shared laugh, or a moment of quiet reflection with a loved one, these connections are truly the best gift you can give or receive.

References

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316

Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370-396. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0054346

Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309027

Rimé, B. (2009). Emotion elicits the social sharing of emotion: Theory and empirical review. Emotion Review, 1(1), 60-85. https://doi.org/10.1177/1754073908097189

Wildschut, T., Sedikides, C., Arndt, J., & Routledge, C. (2006). Nostalgia: Content, triggers, functions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(5), 975-993. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.91.5.975

Anger is not good or bad. It is valid.

In this journal, I share with you a snippet of my work with Burt regarding an emotion that we, at times struggle to deal with. That is, anger. The vignette below was taken from our first psychotherapy session. I previously met him for the initial assessment where he expressed his goals. As you will notice, we delve quickly into one of his main concerns, anger management.

Burt: I just like to frame the goals again and it’s kind of like threefold. So, the first real goal I think with you, is to work on strategies to lengthen my fuse, and my overall agency. When I’m having arguments with my wife.  Yes, like so normally my temperament is like, I want to be like this very Zen, hands behind my back, just caring, thoughtful, quiet person: that’s like my ideal identity. And so, I really try to do that in my life and I think that I’m able to do that but I may be bottling up things that I don’t deal with them in the right way.  Then, you know, when I’m fighting with Susie, my wife, I’ll just all of a sudden like, explode and you know, nothing like, like bad physically…

Dr. Ferrer: You mean, aggressively.

Burt: Yeah. And I hate that, and I wish there was a way for you in that moment to say, stop. This is not how you want to handle this. You want to be gracious and do the hardest thing, which is like be kind to the person you’re angry with.

Dr. Ferrer: I hear from you the desire to be in a Zen state, but I didn’t hear an acknowledgement about the fact that emotions are emotions, pleasant or unpleasant. If you are, therefore, focused on only achieving a constant experience of calmness; then, it appears that you are denying the validity of anger.  Anger is an emotion that’s part of our human experience. Earlier, I use the word aggressively because anger and aggression are not necessarily the same. One can be angry and use that anger to go out and protest for a cause towards social justice. Then, another can be angry and loot and break windows. Those are two different things. But just same, the underlying experience is anger. I also hear that you tend to suppress your anger because you judge it as if it’s wrong. And so therefore, you haven’t been able to find ways to process the emotion well, let alone express it in a more effective way.  Instead, you said that you just bottle it up because you think it is wrong to express it until such point when it has already built up.

Burt: Yeah, no, that’s great. I, I don’t think I necessarily deny it. But you know, that could be true that my whole life, I sort of view it as some sort of weakness instead of like a healthy expression. And I guess, you know, the looting thing is a great metaphor for me when I lash out when I don’t want to. And so, um, I guess yeah, I mean, that makes sense. It would be better for me to embrace my feelings, but then find the response that I’m going to feel proud of or just feel better about.

The importance of this vignette is to demonstrate that one of the keys to behavioral change is achieving an increase in self-awareness.  Burt is aware of his explosive tendencies, but he only saw it as a weakness and dismissed the reality that anger is a vital part of human experiences.  By accepting this normal emotion, he understood that he can then learn ways to express it more effectively.

Throughout the succeeding therapy sessions, Burt shared other situations where he finds difficulty in identifying, processing and managing his anger emotion.  However, he also had begun applying the strategies we built during our meetings.  In general, this strategy included the following elements. However, this is only an example pertaining to his interaction with his wife towards the goal of reducing angry outbursts.

1. Increased awareness of various feelings throughout the day, but with particular emphasis on recognizing anger.  Anger may stem from repeated frustrations.  I posit that frustration is a reaction when we don’t get our needs met.  In the case of Burt’s argument with his wife, the need is to be heard and/or validated.  When he thought that his wife was unable to display empathy and understanding, then he got frustrated. But, he suppressed this feeling for as long as he can’t anymore. Ultimately, he exploded through mean words and a harsh tone of voice towards his wife.  One specific strategy he agreed to practice was to pause periodically, throughout the day.  For example, every hour, he paused to identify the feelings and/or emotions during the past hour he experienced.  If this included frustration or even anger, he then examined the need he had that was not met.

2. Worked on expressing his need. Rather than keeping his negative thoughts to himself, Burt started acknowledging when his point-of-views are dismissed in marital discussions.  He learned to communicate to his wife by asking for an agreed time to express his thoughts. For example, “Honey, when’s the best time to talk to you about something that is on my mind?”

3. Be prepared for the conversation. Burt kept mental bullet-points, so his agenda was in order when he had the conversation with his wife.  He expressed what he hoped an effective communication to be like and he learned to ask for his general needs in their relationship. In turn, he also asked what his wife needed from him.

The shift to an improved interaction between Burt and his wife was not overnight. Still, he reported that their fights decreased eventually.  More importantly, he recognized that having marital arguments with consequent anger at times is just part of the process of getting through communication.

Anger is not bad! It is valid. It is when one expresses anger destructively does it become unfavorable and consequential behavior. However, there are numerous ways to process anger, just like what is presented above.  It is important to break down each experience of anger and identify more effective strategies to manage it.

If you are experiencing difficulties with anger management, don’t hesitate to consult with a mental health professional and discover how you can also take better control of your emotions.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

Did You Know? The Science of Tears

When we cry—whether in sorrow, joy, or frustration—our bodies are doing more than just expressing emotion. Tears actually play a powerful biological role, helping us process feelings and manage stress. According to research, tears contain a mix of hormones, proteins, and natural pain relievers. For example, emotional tears, which are different from the kind that keeps our eyes moist, release chemicals like endorphins and oxytocin, both of which contribute to feeling calmer after a good cry (Vingerhoets, 2013).

Crying also appears to signal to others that we need support, fostering empathy and creating connections within communities. While many cultures put pressure on people to hide tears, especially in public, scientists believe that crying is a natural coping mechanism that has likely evolved for both personal relief and social bonding. As a result, letting yourself cry can be a surprisingly beneficial way to regulate emotions and improve overall well-being (Bylsma et al., 2008).

So, next time you feel the tears welling up, remember: it’s not only okay to cry—it’s also good for you.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References

Bylsma, L. M., Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M., & Rottenberg, J. (2008). When is crying cathartic? An international study. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 27(10), 1165-1187.

Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2013). Why only humans weep: Unraveling the mysteries of tears. Oxford University Press.

Pain is Inevitable, but Suffering is a Choice

We inevitably encounter painful experiences in life—breakups, humiliation, rejection, failure, and various stressors that challenge our mental and emotional well-being. These events can be understood as emotional or psychological pain, similar to the way physical injuries or diseases cause pain or discomfort to our bodies. Just as physical pain is a natural response to injury, emotional pain is a response to the mental and emotional “injuries” we face. However, while physical pain tends to subside with time or treatment, emotional pain may linger, even after the original cause has passed.

The key distinction I argue in this philosophy is the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is the initial emotional response to life’s inevitable hardships. It is unavoidable, much like the pain of a physical injury. But suffering—the prolonged and often deepened emotional distress we experience long after the event—is something we contribute to and, to a degree, choose.

Let’s consider physical pain as a metaphor. When you suffer an injury, the body’s natural healing processes often take over. A cut heals, a bruise fades, and with proper care, most physical wounds resolve. While the pain of the injury can be intense, it is typically temporary. Likewise, emotional pain from rejection, failure, or humiliation also has a natural course. Initially, it hurts, but in many cases, it, too, can fade over time, especially when we allow ourselves to process it healthily.

However, unlike physical pain, emotional pain can evolve into something more persistent—suffering. Suffering is what happens when we continue to hold on to the pain through the narratives we create in our minds. These narratives often revolve around self-blame, shame, and negative self-evaluation. We begin to revisit the painful experience repeatedly, analyzing it, assigning personal fault, and questioning our self-worth. Over time, this pattern transforms the pain into suffering.

The original emotional pain—the rejection, the failure—has ended. What sustains the suffering now is not the event itself, but the stories we tell ourselves about that event. For example, after a rejection, we might internalize the belief, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll always fail.” This self-blame and shame become a feedback loop, feeding the suffering and allowing it to persist far beyond the original pain.

Below is an excerpt of the therapy session I had to illustrate one example of how I applied this philosophy.

Brandi: I kind of lose control when things get off track. Over the weekend, my friend was celebrating her 30th birthday. I wasn’t going to go because of my upcoming surgery, but then I changed my mind. I wanted to be there for her since I heard she was upset that people were dropping out. So I went, even though I was worried about getting sick. And indeed, I believe I caught COVID from being there. I was really kicking myself for it—blaming myself. I should’ve been more careful since I knew surgery was coming up. But my first instinct was to take care of others. I didn’t think about isolating or protecting myself.

Dr. Ferrer: Many people, including you, go to that place of self-blame. The difference is, for you, it’s harder to get out of that loop. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. The pain there, of course, is the disappointment that your surgery is canceled because you need to be well to undergo the procedure. However, you stay in the suffering longer than necessary. That is, creating a narrative that shames you.

Brandi: Yeah, it’s like a Buddhist principle. I get stuck in it, even though I know logically there’s nothing I can do about it now. It already happened. There’s another surgery date, but I keep wallowing in the “I should’ve done this differently” mindset.

Dr. Ferrer: Think about how you treat your own kids when they’re in pain. Do you immediately tell them, “See, I told you so.” Of course not. There’s no difference in how you should treat yourself. You can give that same care to yourself, but instead, you revert to shame and blame. Pain is already that feeling let down when you realize that taking care of your friend by being present in her celebration may have caused you to catch a virus. It is something you cannot change anymore. But by responding to that pain with the negative narrative is that suffering you are choosing.

Brandi: It’s easy to tell myself I’m a failure. I beat myself up. I forgot to take care of myself when I should’ve. It’s simply hard to just stay in pain and not suffering. I was crying hard that Monday, and my partner didn’t know how to help. I think she was trying by keeping her distance because I was irritable, which is also a trigger for her. I was upset with myself, feeling like a failure for not thinking about protecting myself before the surgery.

Dr. Ferrer: And that’s where the spiral starts.

Brandi: Exactly. Then my daughter came downstairs and saw me crying. She was supposed to watch a movie, but my partner told her I wasn’t up for it. She got upset. I felt like I had to pull myself together because she needed me. So, I went to the bathroom, blew my nose, and told myself, “You have to get up. She’s a kid, she needs help.”

I took a walk with the dog, trying to comfort myself. But it felt like a battle—the mental loop was still there.

Dr. Ferrer: I hear you. And yet, you found a way to comfort yourself. That’s important. You recognized you needed to carry on, even though you were still in pain. In a way, you dealt with the pain but chose not to suffer by doing your best.

Brandi: Yeah, I told my partner what was going on in my head. I explained that when things like this happen, I spiral and beat myself up. But even though I was still struggling, I could see the loop and work through it.

Dr. Ferrer: You’re recognizing it now, which is a big step. The fact that you didn’t get stuck in the negative loop as long as you used to previously is progress. You’re shortening the duration of those spirals.

Brandi: Yeah, I can see that. It took a while, but I managed to pull myself out of it faster than I would’ve in the past. The next day, I called the surgeon’s office, and they postponed the surgery for 30 days. I felt nervous, but I answered the call, which felt like a victory in itself.

In essence, while pain is an inevitable part of life, suffering is something we often create and sustain through our own narratives of self-blame and shame. The distinction lies in our response: while pain arises naturally from difficult experiences, suffering is the result of holding on to and feeding that pain with negative thoughts. By recognizing this, we can choose to let go of the stories that perpetuate suffering and allow ourselves to heal emotionally, just as our bodies naturally heal from physical wounds. Ultimately, though we cannot avoid pain, we can decide whether or not to suffer.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

Disclaimer:
The information provided in this newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are experiencing any mental health issues, please seek professional help. The author of this blog is not liable for any damages or injuries that may result from the use of the information provided here.

When applicable, the names, gender identification, location and/or other identifiable characteristics have been modified to maintain privacy and confidentiality; whilst, still maintaining the integrity of their stories and narratives.

The Half-Empty, Half-Full Glass

The well-known expression “Is the glass half-empty or half-full?” is often used to gauge whether someone has a pessimistic or optimistic outlook. The half-empty perspective emphasizes what is missing, while the half-full view highlights what remains. Both perspectives seem to offer valid, yet opposing truths. However, framing the question as an either/or situation overlooks the dialectical nature of reality, where both sides coexist in a continuous interplay.

Dialectics, a concept rooted in philosophy by Georg Hegel, holds that seemingly opposing forces can exist simultaneously, and it is in their interaction that truth is revealed. Rather than viewing the glass as either half-empty or half-full, the dialectical perspective suggests they are both at the same time. This duality reflects a more comprehensive understanding of reality, where contradictions are not resolved by choosing one side but are embraced as part of a larger, dynamic whole.

From a dialectical standpoint, acknowledging that the glass is both half-empty and half-full allows for a deeper appreciation of life’s complexity. It encourages us to move beyond binary thinking, fostering a mindset where limitations (the half-empty) and possibilities (the half-full) are recognized together. Life is not static; it constantly shifts between what we have and what we lack, and understanding this interaction can lead to more balanced perspectives.

In practice, this means recognizing that challenges and opportunities are intertwined. The glass is neither just full of potential nor only depleted of resources—it is both. By embracing this dialectical view, we open ourselves to a more nuanced understanding of our experiences, where growth and setbacks, gains and losses, exist in an ongoing relationship. It’s in navigating this tension that we find deeper insight into ourselves and the world around us.

Imagine a person who only views the glass as half-empty. This person constantly focuses on what is missing—whether it’s time, resources, or personal achievements. Over time, this perspective can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, anxiety, or even depression. When we only see what’s lacking, the mind begins to internalize a narrative of insufficiency, leading to a cycle of negative thoughts. Opportunities for growth and happiness become overshadowed by a fixation on shortcomings, creating mental strain and emotional fatigue.

Conversely, someone who exclusively sees the glass as half-full may focus solely on the positives, disregarding any potential issues or challenges. While optimism is beneficial, an overly positive bias can lead to unrealistic expectations, denial of real problems, or avoidance of difficult emotions. This type of thinking can prevent a person from preparing for challenges, leading to frustration or unexpected setbacks when reality doesn’t align with their optimistic view.

Now, consider a person who sees both sides of the glass—half-empty and half-full. This individual acknowledges the emptiness, but also values what is still present. By recognizing the challenges while appreciating the opportunities, they foster a balanced and adaptable mindset. This approach encourages practical problem-solving while maintaining a sense of gratitude and resilience. Acknowledging both what we lack and what we possess helps us to develop emotional flexibility and mental strength.

Benefits of a Balanced Perspective:

Mental flexibility: Recognizing both the good and bad can help manage stress, process emotions healthily, and build resilience.

Emotional health: Appreciating what is present, while also planning for and addressing what is lacking, reduces anxiety and creates a sense of control.

Cognitive balance: Viewing both sides nurtures a realistic, yet hopeful mindset, allowing one to stay grounded while remaining open to growth and change.

Ultimately, the healthiest mental state comes from seeing the glass as it is—both half-empty and half-full—because life, too, is a balance of losses and gains, struggles and successes. Embracing this duality allows us to thrive mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually, fostering a more sustainable sense of wellbeing.

It’s now your turn to reflect on how you navigate around your daily experiences. When you face challenges or opportunities in life, do you tend to focus more on what’s missing (the empty part) or on what you have (the full part)? How might your mindset shift if you made room for both perspectives?

Rather than choosing whether the glass is half-empty or half-full, it is more consistent with dialectics to see that it is both. This broader perspective acknowledges the contradictions inherent in life, encouraging us to embrace complexity rather than oversimplifying our reality.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

What is Serotonin and How is it Related to Our Mental Health?

Serotonin, or 5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HT), is a neurotransmitter—a chemical messenger that helps transmit signals in the brain and throughout the nervous system. It is primarily known for its role in regulating mood, but it also influences sleep, appetite, digestion, memory, and even social behavior. The majority of the body’s serotonin, about 90%, is produced in the gut, while the rest is synthesized in the brain. Once released, serotonin interacts with specific receptors to produce various effects, depending on where it acts in the body or brain. This neurotransmitter has a complex role, and its levels and functionality are influenced by genetics, diet, stress, and physical health (Berger et al., 2009).

In terms of mental health, serotonin is widely associated with conditions like depression and anxiety. Low serotonin levels are thought to contribute to mood disorders, which is why many antidepressant medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), are designed to increase serotonin activity in the brain. SSRIs work by preventing serotonin from being reabsorbed into neurons, thereby allowing it to remain in the synaptic gap longer and enhance communication between nerve cells. However, while serotonin plays a significant role, mental health conditions are typically influenced by a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Recent research has even questioned the simplistic “low serotonin equals depression” theory, suggesting that the relationship between serotonin and mental health is more complex than once believed (Moncrieff et al., 2022).

Understanding serotonin’s impact on mental health highlights the importance of a holistic approach to treatment. This includes addressing physical health, stress management, and other factors that influence neurotransmitter function. While serotonin is not the sole factor driving mental health, its role in mood regulation and emotional stability makes it a critical area of study for understanding and treating conditions like depression and anxiety.

References:

Berger, M., Gray, J. A., & Roth, B. L. (2009). The expanded biology of serotonin. Annual Review of Medicine, 60(1), 355-366.

Moncrieff, J., Cooper, R. E., Stockmann, T., et al. (2022). The serotonin theory of depression: A systematic umbrella review of the evidence. Molecular Psychiatry, 27, 2404–2414. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-022-01661-0

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