DR. Rizaldy R. Ferrer, PHD

Licensed Psychologist | Online psychological services available across participating PSYPACT states

Category: Self Help (Page 4 of 5)

New Years Resolution

Wait, Scratch That!

Every year, millions of people make New Year’s resolutions, hoping that January 1 will mark a dramatic shift in their habits, mindset, or circumstances. The idea seems appealing: a fresh start, a blank slate. But is this approach truly effective, or is it setting us up for disappointment?

The Overrated Concept of New Year’s Resolutions

Let’s start with the reality of time. There is no magical difference between December 31 and January 1. These are simply consecutive days, like any others. Yet, society has elevated this transition into an annual checkpoint for self-improvement. While the intention is admirable, research has shown mixed results on the effectiveness of resolutions.

A study by Norcross et al. (2002) found that about 46% of people who make resolutions are still on track after six months. While this shows some promise, it also means more than half have fallen off course. Other research highlights the problem of unrealistic expectations—people often set overly ambitious goals that become overwhelming or disheartening when progress is slow (Oscarsson et al., 2020).

Behavioral science suggests that meaningful change is rarely instantaneous. It’s not the calendar date that matters but the consistency and small, intentional steps taken over time. This aligns with what I’ve termed the “1 Degree Shift”—the idea that tiny, incremental changes can lead to substantial long-term results. Just as a plane adjusts its course by a single degree to reach a far-off destination, we can achieve personal growth through small, consistent actions.

Why Resolutions Often Fail

One reason resolutions falter is disappointment. When people set lofty goals and fail to meet them quickly, they often abandon their efforts entirely. The mindset of “all or nothing” can become a significant barrier to progress.

Another common obstacle is unrealistic expectations. Many people imagine dramatic outcomes—losing 50 pounds in a few months, mastering a new skill overnight, or completely transforming their lives. When reality doesn’t align with these expectations, motivation wanes.

Instead of treating intentions like investments waiting for a return, consider engaging in habits where the process itself is the reward. For example, if you resolve to exercise, enjoy the way movement makes you feel in the moment rather than fixating on a distant goal weight. Recognize that the change is already happening as you take each step.

Examples of Resolutions That Can Start Anytime

To illustrate this point, here are common resolutions and how they can be initiated at any time:

  1. Exercise More – Start by walking for 10 minutes today, wherever you are.
  2. Eat Healthier – Add a serving of vegetables to one meal, starting now.
  3. Learn a New Skill – Spend five minutes researching an online course or picking up a beginner’s guide.
  4. Save Money – Skip a non-essential purchase today and put the money into savings.
  5. Be More Mindful – Take a deep breath and spend one minute observing your surroundings.

None of these require waiting for January 1. The best time to start is always “now.”

Actionable Steps for Long-Term Growth

  1. Focus on One Small Change: Identify a single habit you want to improve and make a manageable adjustment. For example, if you want to read more, aim for one page a day instead of a book a week.
  2. Track Your Progress: Use a journal or app to log your efforts. Seeing consistent progress, even if it’s small, can be incredibly motivating.
  3. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge every step forward. Success builds momentum, no matter how minor it may seem.
  4. Reframe Setbacks: Treat missteps as learning opportunities rather than failures. What can you adjust to make success more likely next time?
  5. Start With What You Have: Don’t wait for perfect conditions. Use the resources and time available to you now.

Final Note

While the tradition of New Year’s resolutions can inspire change, it’s not the only way—or even the best way—to grow. True transformation happens through small, consistent efforts that build over time. The “1 Degree Shift” reminds us that even minor adjustments can lead to significant results.

So, if you’re reading this on January 8, April 3, or any other day, take this as your “now.” The journey toward a better version of yourself doesn’t require a calendar date. All it needs is a single, intentional step forward.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References

Norcross, J. C., Mrykalo, M. S., & Blagys, M. D. (2002). Auld lang syne: Success predictors, change processes, and self-reported outcomes of New Year’s resolvers and nonresolvers. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(4), 397-405. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.1151

Oscarsson, M., Carlbring, P., Andersson, G., & Rozental, A. (2020). New Year’s resolutions: A large-scale randomized controlled trial. PLOS ONE, 15(12), e0234097. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0234097

Creating vs. Fixing

When faced with life challenges, many of us default to “fixing” the difficulties because we assume that they are “broken,” rather than just are inevitable parts of life. Fixing may be an attempt to control every possible outcome in hopes of avoiding discomfort. While this may feel productive, it often fuels anxiety and distances us from the present moment. In contrast, the philosophy of “Creating vs. Fixing” encourages us to shift our focus to proactive, intentional actions that promote well-being in the now. Drawing on mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral practices, and existential psychology, this approach teaches us to live fully in the present while navigating life’s challenges. Let’s explore this transformative mindset through the lens of a therapy session between Cathy and I, a patient preparing for childbirth.

Cathy: I’d like to get some help with my pending childbirth and the fears I have about it. That’s at the top of my mind right now. I’ve mentioned to you before that childbirth has always been something I feared most of my life. And now, any day now, it’s happening. I’m already emotional about it. I’ve been trying not to dwell on it or think too much about it because it genuinely frightens me. I just want to ease that fear because it’s going to happen. If I go into it feeling afraid, I think it will make the experience worse. I want to own as much of the experience as possible because I believe it can be beautiful. But there are so many decisions and unknowns—it’s overwhelming.

Cathy proceeded with how she had been planning about her childbirth.

Dr. Ferrer: You seem to be overanalyzing your childbirth preparation—whether to drink the tea, do yoga stretches, eat the dates or even to determine how much epidural injections should you get. But all those are still making you anxious because you want a guarantee that they will make the process easier and also eliminate the fear you are experiencing recently. What if we shifted the focus from ensuring future success to asking, “What can I create right now that benefits me?”

Cathy: I feel stuck. I keep thinking, if I do all these things and they don’t make childbirth easier, what’s the point of even doing them? It feels like I’m setting myself up for disappointment even more.

Dr. Ferrer: That’s the mindset of “fixing”—doing something now purely to control a future outcome. Instead, let’s ask, “Does this action improve how I feel or function in this moment?” If drinking tea or stretching is better than worrying, then it’s worthwhile, regardless of what happens later.

Understanding the Problem: Fixing the Uncontrollable

The tendency to “fix” is natural. Fixing involves trying to solve or prevent future problems through meticulous analysis and planning. While this approach can be effective for practical tasks, it becomes problematic when applied to situations outside our control. Cathy’s fixation on childbirth preparation, for instance, stems from a desire to control an inherently unpredictable process. This overanalysis not only increases her anxiety but also consumes mental energy that could be used to enhance her current well-being.

The issue with fixing lies in its transactional nature—it’s tied to a specific desired outcome. If the outcome doesn’t align with expectations, the effort feels wasted. This mindset often leads to a cycle of disappointment, self-doubt, and paralysis.

The Alternative: Creating in the Present

In contrast, the argument of “creating” focuses on intentional actions that enhance the present moment, independent of future outcomes. By shifting her focus from controlling childbirth to engaging in meaningful activities, Cathy can redirect her energy toward actions that bring immediate value. Whether it’s deep cleaning her coffee maker, practicing gratitude meditation, or savoring her morning coffee, these acts of creation foster a sense of accomplishment and presence.

Creating isn’t just about productivity; it’s about cultivating a mindset of mindfulness and generativity. For Cathy, stretching or walking doesn’t have to guarantee an easier labor—it’s enough that these activities help her feel grounded and healthy now.

Why Creating Works: A Theoretical Perspective

  1. Mindfulness Theory (Kabat-Zinn, 1990): Creating aligns with mindfulness by anchoring individuals in the present. Mindful actions like gratitude meditations or sensory awareness reduce mental clutter and help individuals step out of anxiety cycles.
  2. Flow Theory (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990): By engaging in meaningful tasks, individuals enter a “flow state,” characterized by deep focus and enjoyment. Cleaning, walking, or stretching can be flow-inducing, helping Cathy feel accomplished and calm.
  3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Beck, 1976): Fixing often reflects cognitive distortions like catastrophizing or fortune telling. Creating, on the other hand, aligns with CBT principles by emphasizing actionable, positive behaviors that counter negative thought spirals.
  4. Existential Psychology (Frankl, 1946): Creating connects to the existential idea that meaning arises from proactive engagement with life’s challenges. By focusing on what she can create, Cathy finds purpose in the journey, not just the outcome.

Practical Steps to Shift from Fixing to Creating

To adopt the mindset of creating, consider these practical steps:

  1. Ask, “What can I do now?” Instead of worrying about outcomes, focus on actions that enhance your present.
  2. Engage your senses. Activities like smelling coffee beans or feeling the texture of your sheets can ground you in the moment.
  3. Practice gratitude. Start your day by identifying things you’re thankful for, then immerse yourself in those thoughts.
  4. Create daily intentions. Set achievable, well-being-promoting goals for the day, such as taking a walk or meditating.

A Transformative Perspective

By embracing the philosophy of “Creating vs. Fixing,” Cathy—and anyone grappling with uncertainty—may hopefully reduce anxiety, increase self-efficacy, and find joy in the process of living. This principle doesn’t negate the value of preparation but reframes it as a means to cultivate presence and intention. Life is unpredictable, but our ability to create meaning in the moment is always within our control.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References:

Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper & Row.

Frankl, V. E. (1984). Man’s search for meaning (Rev. ed.). Washington Square Press. (Original work published 1946)

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte Press.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are experiencing any mental health issues, please seek professional help. The author of this blog is not liable for any damages or injuries that may result from the use of the information provided here.

When applicable, the names, gender identification, location and/or other identifiable characteristics have been modified to maintain privacy and confidentiality; whilst, still maintaining the integrity of their stories and narratives.

Holiday Hugs and Heartstrings

As the holiday season rolls around, it brings more than just decorations, delicious food, and gift exchanges—it offers a unique opportunity to deepen social connections. While the festivities may look different for everyone, the psychological need for connection remains universal. Understanding the psycho-educational basis of social connection during the holidays reveals why relationships play such a crucial role in this season’s joy.

The Psychological Need for Connection

Human beings are inherently social creatures. Psychologist Abraham Maslow highlighted connection as a fundamental need in his hierarchy, emphasizing its role in overall wellbeing (Maslow, 1943). During the holidays, this need becomes even more pronounced as cultural and familial rituals remind us of the importance of relationships.

Research shows that social connection is linked to mental and physical health benefits. A sense of belonging can lower stress levels, reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and even improve cardiovascular health (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010). Social bonds trigger the release of oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone,” which promotes feelings of trust and reduces stress. Moreover, spending time with loved ones activates the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and serotonin—neurotransmitters linked to happiness and emotional stability. In other words, connection literally makes us feel good. This is particularly meaningful during the holidays, a time when many feel heightened emotions—both positive and challenging.

The Holidays: A Unique Context for Connection

The holidays amplify this need for connection for several reasons. For one, rituals such as sharing meals, exchanging gifts, or lighting candles create opportunities for bonding. These shared traditions foster a sense of community and continuity, even across generations. They remind us that we’re part of something larger than ourselves.

At the same time, the holidays can also heighten feelings of loneliness for those who lack a strong social network. For individuals without family nearby, creating “chosen families” through friendships can help fill this gap. In fact, studies have shown that the quality of relationships, rather than their quantity, is what matters most for psychological health.

Addressing Social Challenges During the Holidays

While the holidays can bring joy, they can also highlight feelings of loneliness for some. It’s essential to recognize that not everyone has access to close-knit social circles. For these individuals, intentional efforts—such as reaching out to a friend, volunteering, or joining a community event—can create meaningful connections.

Additionally, cultivating self-compassion can buffer against feelings of isolation. According to Neff (2003), self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, particularly during emotionally difficult times.

The Impact on Collective Wellbeing

Beyond individual benefits, social connection during the holidays fosters collective wellbeing. It strengthens communities, builds resilience, and reinforces cultural traditions. By prioritizing relationships, whether through family gatherings, reconnecting with friends, or supporting neighbors, we contribute to a ripple effect of positivity.

Tips for Enhancing Social Connection This Holiday Season

Prioritize Quality Time: Focus on meaningful conversations and shared experiences instead of being distracted by tasks or technology.

Embrace Inclusivity: Reach out to neighbors, colleagues, or acquaintances who might not have a place to celebrate, creating a stronger sense of community.

Stay Present: Whether through virtual calls or in-person gatherings, being emotionally present fosters deeper connections.

Practice Gratitude: Expressing appreciation for loved ones strengthens bonds and creates a positive feedback loop of warmth and affection.

The Ripple Effect

Social connection during the holidays doesn’t just benefit individuals—it also has a ripple effect. Families who feel emotionally close are better at resolving conflicts, friendships deepen through shared experiences, and communities grow stronger when people actively include others. By investing in connection, we collectively create a brighter, more supportive environment for all.

So this holiday season, remember that togetherness isn’t just a tradition—it’s a psychological cornerstone of happiness. Whether it’s a heartfelt conversation, a shared laugh, or a moment of quiet reflection with a loved one, these connections are truly the best gift you can give or receive.

References

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316

Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370-396. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0054346

Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309027

Rimé, B. (2009). Emotion elicits the social sharing of emotion: Theory and empirical review. Emotion Review, 1(1), 60-85. https://doi.org/10.1177/1754073908097189

Wildschut, T., Sedikides, C., Arndt, J., & Routledge, C. (2006). Nostalgia: Content, triggers, functions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(5), 975-993. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.91.5.975

Mindful Year-End Reflections and Setting Intentions

As the year draws to a close, it presents a natural opportunity for self-reflection, gratitude, and the setting of meaningful intentions for the year ahead. Engaging in mindful practices, such as gratitude journaling and self-reflective exercises, has been shown to enhance emotional well-being, foster resilience, and improve overall mental health (Emmons & Stern, 2013). This article explores the benefits of these practices, grounded in current literature, and offers actionable recommendations for incorporating them into daily life.

The Psychological Benefits of Reflection and Gratitude

Reflective practices help individuals process their experiences, make sense of challenges, and extract valuable lessons. Gratitude journaling, specifically, has been highlighted in multiple studies as a potent tool for improving mental health by shifting focus toward positive experiences. Emmons and Stern (2013) found that gratitude interventions significantly increase life satisfaction and decrease depressive symptoms. Similarly, Flinchbaugh et al. (2012) demonstrated that students who engaged in gratitude journaling experienced improved mood and reduced stress, underscoring its potential as a resilience-building practice.

Reflection also provides a structured way to evaluate personal growth and identify areas for improvement. Cheng et al. (2015) examined healthcare practitioners and found that combining reflection with gratitude interventions improved their emotional regulation and reduced burnout, even in high-stress environments.

Mindfulness: A Gateway to Intentional Living

Mindfulness complements reflection by anchoring individuals in the present moment, encouraging intentionality. Studies have shown that mindfulness-based interventions enhance the benefits of reflection by fostering a non-judgmental awareness of one’s thoughts and emotions (Langan & Keppen, 2022). When combined with reflective practices, mindfulness can amplify self-awareness and promote goal alignment.

Chlebak (2013) explored the effects of gratitude journaling on graduate students and found that pairing mindfulness exercises with reflective journaling created a synergistic effect, boosting participants’ mental clarity and emotional well-being.

Practical Strategies for Year-End Reflection and Goal Setting

  1. Start a Gratitude Journal
    Dedicate time daily to list three things you are grateful for. This practice shifts focus from stressors to positives, fostering a sense of abundance.
  2. Engage in Guided Reflection
    Use prompts such as “What was my biggest lesson this year?” or “What brought me the most joy?” to structure your thoughts. Journaling tools or guided apps can facilitate this process.
  3. Set SMART Goals with Intentions
    Combine reflections with future planning. For example, “In 2024, I will dedicate 15 minutes daily to mindfulness meditation to improve my focus and reduce stress.”
  4. Practice Self-Compassion
    Reflect on challenges with kindness. Recognize your efforts and avoid harsh self-criticism. Studies suggest self-compassion significantly boosts resilience and reduces anxiety (Cheng et al., 2015).
  5. Combine Mindfulness with Reflection
    Spend 5-10 minutes in meditation before journaling to center your thoughts and enhance the quality of your reflections.

Recommendations for Implementation

  • Consistency is Key: Aim to reflect and journal at least three times per week.
  • Incorporate Technology: Use mindfulness and journaling apps such as Headspace or Day One for guided sessions.
  • Seek Support: Join workshops or groups focused on reflective practices to build accountability.
  • Start Small: Begin with short, manageable practices (e.g., a three-line gratitude journal) to build a sustainable habit.

Mindful reflection and gratitude journaling are powerful tools for closing the year with clarity and optimism. Backed by evidence, these practices enhance emotional well-being, reduce stress, and foster intentionality in setting goals for the future. As you embark on this journey, remember that even small, consistent steps can create profound impacts on your mental health.

References

Cheng, S. T., Tsui, P. K., & Lam, J. H. M. (2015). Improving mental health in healthcare practitioners: Randomized controlled trial of a gratitude intervention. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. Retrieved from APA PsycNet

Chlebak, C. M. (2013). Graduate counselling psychology students’ experiences of mindfulness meditation and gratitude journaling. University of British Columbia Library. Retrieved from UBC Library

Emmons, R. A., & Stern, R. (2013). Gratitude as a psychotherapeutic intervention. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(8), 846–855. Retrieved from Wiley Online Library

Flinchbaugh, C. L., Moore, E. W. G., & Chang, Y. K. (2012). Student well-being interventions: The effects of stress management techniques and gratitude journaling. Journal of Management Education, 36(2), 191-219. Retrieved from SAGE Journals

Langan, B. M., & Keppen, K. (2022). Reflective journaling intervention to impact self-awareness, professional health, and overall well-being in nurses. Digital Commons at UNMC. Retrieved from Digital Commons

Reflecting on Lao Tzu’s Proverb

The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step: Understanding Lao Tzu’s Wisdom in Everyday Life

Have you ever heard of the saying, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step?” This famous proverb written by the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu has resonated for over 2,500 years. Found in the Dao De Jing (also known as the Tao Te Ching), this proverb is a key principle in Daoism, a philosophy focused on living in harmony with nature and the world around us. His words offer a gentle reminder that there’s no need to be preoccupied on big accomplishments or distant destinations; instead, we can find meaning in each individual step, appreciating the journey itself rather than being distracted by any particular endpoint.

What I Think Lao Tzu Meant

When Lao Tzu wrote, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,” his words did not include that the destination to a thousand miles begins with one step. he was encouraging people to start taking action by focusing on the present. In the Dao De Jing, Chapter 64 says, “A journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one’s feet” (Lao Tzu, trans. D.C. Lau, 1963), underscoring that each journey unfolds through the small steps we take. His view doesn’t place special emphasis on reaching a destination or achieving a specific goal. Instead, the journey itself is what matters. Each action, each step forward, is a part of the process, and that’s where we find value.

This approach aligns with Lao Tzu’s belief in Dao, or “the Way,” which is the natural flow of life. The Dao De Jing teaches that everything progresses naturally, without force or hurry. Just as a tree grows at its own pace, Lao Tzu believed we should approach life with patience, moving forward one step at a time without focusing on any final destination. This “step-by-step” journey is where life’s true beauty and lessons lie, and if it leads us somewhere, it’s simply a result of our actions, not the ultimate purpose of our steps (Henricks, 1989).

Living Without a Destination

One key part of Lao Tzu’s philosophy, as seen in the Dao De Jing, is that we can be present and engaged in our lives without having a set goal in mind. The proverb doesn’t suggest that we take steps just to reach a destination; in fact, Lao Tzu’s teachings caution against being too focused on outcomes or future successes. However, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have interests or pursue activities, either; but rather that the steps themselves are fulfilling and valuable even if we don’t achieve some specific endpoint that we expected. According to Lao Tzu, by focusing on each present step, we avoid getting weighed down by expectations of where these steps “should” lead.

In my own understanding, each step we take in life is the journey. While it may take us somewhere eventually, each step holds meaning on its own without needing to be a means to an end. For instance, many people see goals like advancing in a career as final destinations. But for those who resonate with Lao Tzu’s thinking, the daily actions of working, learning, and acquiring are the real journey. They don’t need to lead anywhere specific for each step to have significance. This mindset helps us appreciate each moment of our experiences without always measuring them by where they might take us in the future.

Non-Attachment and Embracing Change

Lao Tzu also taught wu wei, which translates as “non-action” or the idea of acting without force or attachment to outcomes. In this sense, wu wei encourages us to take steps forward without becoming overly focused on or attached to any results. Lao Tzu understood that when people fixate on reaching a certain goal, they may feel disappointment or even failure if things don’t go exactly as planned (Kohn, 1993). Instead, embracing wu wei allows us to accept change and to take each step as it comes without expecting that it will “get us” anywhere specific.

This way of thinking can be valuable in our daily lives. Often, people are under pressure to achieve big milestones, like reaching specific grades, securing a job, or even hitting social milestones. By focusing on each step instead, we feel less anxiety about where we’ll end up. In my own interpretation, the journey truly lies in each single step, not in where that step leads. This flexibility allows us to be more open to life’s changes without feeling discouraged by altered paths.

Taking Small Steps to Improve Daily Life

Sometimes, the thought of starting a journey can be daunting, especially if the steps seem difficult or the process feels overwhelming. This is where Lao Tzu’s wisdom can make a difference. By concentrating only on the present step, we avoid feeling weighed down by the unknown future. One of my patients shared how this approach helped them find meaning in each small, daily action. They celebrated “small wins” each day, and by taking things one day at a time, they found greater fulfillment. This approach allowed them to embrace each step without feeling overwhelmed by where the journey might or might not lead.

Another patient used this idea to break down their journey into manageable actions, focusing only on the step in front of them. This shift in perspective helped them let go of the pressure to achieve specific outcomes and instead, they discovered the peace that comes from simply experiencing each part of the journey. Lao Tzu’s philosophy of focusing on one step, one day at a time, brings a sense of calm, allowing each moment to hold value for what it is.

Main Takeaway: Applying This Proverb to Everyday Life

The main message in Lao Tzu’s words is that we don’t need to be fixated on a destination to find meaning in what we do. Instead, we can live more peacefully by embracing each action, appreciating the journey, and letting go of specific outcomes. Here are a few ways to apply this wisdom in your life:

  1. Start Small and Stay Present: When you have a big project or life change, focus on the first, smallest step you can take. Appreciate this single action without worrying about the final result.
  2. Be Flexible: Allow yourself to change paths if life shifts, knowing that each step is valuable on its own. Flexibility can bring more peace to the journey.
  3. Celebrate Each Step: Recognize and appreciate small accomplishments. Each day has meaning, and you don’t need to focus on some distant achievement for each action to matter.
  4. Find Appreciation in the Process: Instead of setting rigid goals, focus on being present with each moment. Remember that every experience has something to offer, regardless of where it leads.

By focusing on one step at a time, we can live a life that values harmony, presence, and peace. Lao Tzu’s wisdom reminds us that the journey of a thousand miles is not about getting somewhere, but about valuing each step for what it is. In doing so, we find fulfillment in each moment, and life becomes a continuous path of meaning, not just a quest for a final goal.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References:

Lao Tzu. (1963). Tao Te Ching (D.C. Lau, Trans.). Penguin Books.

Henricks, R.G. (1989). Lao-tzu: Te-Tao Ching. Ballantine Books.

Kohn, L. (1993). The Taoist Experience: An Anthology. SUNY Press.

    • Kohn’s anthology discusses wu wei, or non-action, and elaborates on how Daoism encourages acting without attachment to outcomes, which aligns with the non-goal-oriented interpretation of Lao Tzu’s proverb.

Karoshi

Recently, I watched a documentary that left a profound impression on me, shedding light on Japan’s complex state of wellbeing. It painted a picture of “two worlds” within the country. On one side, in places like Tokyo, people are hustling and bustling, seemingly in a constant fight for survival, working long hours and pushing themselves to their limits. On the other side, in regions like Okinawa, a designated Green Zone, people are living peaceful, balanced lives, with many reaching their centennial years.

In this documentary, they introduced the term Karoshi, a Japanese word that refers to the compulsive desire to work hard, even to the point of harming one’s health. This concept struck me because it closely ties to the Western culture of overwork. I felt compelled to share what I learned and bring this message to you, hoping that you will reflect on your own life, especially on your economic wellbeing.

Understanding Karoshi: The Dangers of Overworking

Karoshi, which translates to “death by overwork,” became a recognized issue in Japan as early as the 1980s. The World Health Organization (2021) has reported that overwork leads to an increased risk of heart disease and stroke. In Japan, many workers push themselves so hard that their health breaks down, a problem compounded by a cultural expectation to dedicate one’s life to work. Karoshi—the compulsive drive to work at all costs—feeds into this cycle. The more people feel pressured to prove their worth through their work, the more they sacrifice their health.

In the U.S., though we might not use the same terms, the situation is similar. The American work culture values busyness and productivity, often at the expense of personal wellbeing. According to a report by the American Institute of Stress (2021), 83% of workers in the U.S. experience significant stress related to their jobs. This mirrors the pressure seen in Tokyo and highlights a global issue of overwork.

The Contrast with Okinawa’s Green Zone

In contrast to the hustle and grind of Tokyo and similar urban centers, Okinawa offers an entirely different way of life. Okinawa is part of the world’s “Blue Zones,” places where people live exceptionally long, healthy lives. The people of Okinawa embrace balance in their daily activities, including work. They value community, health, and leisure, which helps explain why many live to be 100 years or older.

What can we learn from this? The contrast between Tokyo’s fast-paced life and Okinawa’s slower, balanced lifestyle offers a powerful lesson: a life driven by overwork is not sustainable. Karoshi are stark reminders of the cost of sacrificing wellbeing for work, whereas Okinawa shows us that focusing on balance and prioritizing health can lead to longevity and happiness.

How This Relates to Us: Economic Wellbeing and Our Choices

You may be wondering how all of this relates to your own life, especially here in America. The truth is, many of us fall into the same trap of overworking, driven by financial pressures and the cultural expectation to be constantly productive. However, the story of Karoshi reminds us that this drive can be dangerous. It’s essential to pause and reflect: Are we working so hard that we’re sacrificing our health? How can we find balance in our work lives to improve our wellbeing?

Seeking a healthier balance, both economically and personally, is key. Taking time for yourself, setting boundaries between work and personal life, and prioritizing your mental and physical health are steps we can all take to prevent burnout and stress. And remember, seeking help from a therapist or counselor when you’re feeling overwhelmed can make all the difference.

A Call to Action: Reflect on Your Wellbeing

As you reflect on your own life, consider how your work habits might be affecting your health and happiness. The lessons of Karoshi, and Okinawa’s Green Zone are clear: a life that prioritizes balance over constant busyness leads to better health and greater fulfillment. In the end, your economic wellbeing depends on more than just how hard you work—it’s about how you care for yourself, too.

If you find yourself stressed, overwhelmed, or unable to cope with the pressures of work, reach out to a mental health professional. Your wellbeing is worth investing in, and it’s never too late to make changes for a healthier, happier life.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References

American Institute of Stress. (2021). Stress in America: Latest statistics. Retrieved from

https://www.stress.org/

Mayo Clinic. (2020). Stress management: The physical toll of chronic stress. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management

Takahashi, M. (2019). Overwork-related disorders in Japan: Recent trends and development of a national policy to promote preventive measures. Industrial Health, 57(3), 245–250. https://doi.org/10.2486/indhealth.2018-0218

World Health Organization. (2021). Long working hours increasing deaths from heart disease and stroke. Retrieved from https://www.who.int/news-room

Grief During the Holidays

Zelda: I was hoping to talk a little bit about grief losing my dad.  My partner and I went to visit his family this weekend, which brought up a lot of emotions.  And just maybe the next couple months are usually pretty rough, which starts right about now. My birthday is next week; and then of course he died during the holidays. It’s a pretty heavy time, you know.

Dr. Ferrer: Tell me about your dad, Zelda.  What comes up in your memory?

Zelda proceeded to share that as she and her boyfriend were driving up to visit his family, the music that was playing in the car were songs her father enjoyed. Consequently, other stories of her childhood, pleasant and unpleasant, have surfaced.

Zelda: Once we got there to his family, it’s lovely because he still has the three generations of men.  And that’s not something that we’ve ever had in my family. My dad’s father died really young as well. My mom’s father died when he was a baby. So as much as I enjoyed hanging out with them, it got a little bit hard. 

Dr. Ferrer: And what feelings came up as you were experiencing or having those thoughts?

Zelda: Sadness…a little bit of frustration in there too, just because my relationship with my dad was very complicated.

Dr. Ferrer: I’m curious about the circumstances leading up to your father’s passing.

Zelda: It was a little rough. My dad had a hereditary blood clotting disorder. He had a couple of genetic issues. He also had another one having to do with the spinal cord that was unrelated. So, there was a period in time where my dad first found out about this because he got a blood clot in his leg that was really bad and he went to the hospital Thank God, they were able to get them on blood thinners, but my dad was also an alcoholic, and he could not or chose not to give up drinking.

She proceeded to tell additional information about the events leading to his father’s death.  He was only 47 years old.

Zelda: At 21 years old and my brother was almost 18 years old, we had to make the decision to take off the life support.  There was a lot of guilt in that.  After he died, the rest of it was just kind of a blur; just trying to get his house organized and getting memorial services together. He died on December 10. It’s a pretty hard time here, even so many years later and I also turn 30 next week, I just didn’t envision ever celebrating him without him.

I believe that he probably directly contributed to his own demise. And that was pretty hard pill to swallow. So, when my mom does stupid s**t, like not wearing her sleep apnea mask and gives herself a f***ing, you know, a mini stroke…

Dr. Ferrer: You are more sensitive to, perhaps even triggering the anger because you’ve already lost one.

Zelda: Yeah. I feel so many mixed emotions. It gives me a lot of contexts of my childhood and why my parents were the way that they were. I couldn’t do anything.

Dr. Ferrer: Yes, as if your hands are tied and someone in front of you is tortured and helpless.  You couldn’t do anything about your parents’ health and lifestyle choices because they’re theirs. That’s their responsibility. But you see in front of you how they cared about their body. You can express your opinion, but you can’t do anything about the actions they take.  It’s not in your control, and to feel that lack of control is always frightening or horrifying for us witnessing the pain and suffering of others.

Zelda: Yes, there’s that sense of just this frustration, an enormous sense of frustration.

Dr. Ferrer: When I asked you to retell your story about your father, I was deliberate.  I appreciate deeply your audacity to share what can be difficult experiences for one to have to go through. And you’ve taken the strength, the courage to describe what you remember, to retell what you experienced.  What are the thoughts and feelings about this process, then?

Zelda: Part of it feels like a relief, like letting air out of a balloon.  I’m not even sad for myself anymore, but I’m sad for him. I’m sad for both of my parents. I’m sad for my dad. You can’t make somebody see the reasons that they deserve to be here. That’s what I think about a lot.  He was a college athlete, but he’s been sick forever. He got sick when I was five. So, he’s been sick for 15 years. At that point. He had the opportunity to come to terms with it. But, I don’t know that he ever did not. My heart just aches, it’s just so sad. It feels like you know, we weren’t good enough for him to try to live, to do his best. 

More instances of catharsis took place during the session.  In psychotherapy, catharsis refers to the release and emotional purging of repressed or pent-up feelings and emotions.  The idea is that by expressing and experiencing deeply held emotions, individuals can achieve a sense of relief, clarity, and emotional purification. This process is believed to contribute to psychological healing and personal growth. Catharsis can take various forms, including verbal expression (such as talking about one’s feelings), non-verbal expression (crying, screaming, or other emotional outlets), or creative expression (art, music, writing).

Talking about grief can, therefore, be cathartic.  Telling stories about a deceased loved one can be helpful in the grief process for several reasons: preserving memories, honoring the deceased, connecting with others, normalizing grief, finding meaning, and creating a narrative of healing.

Still, it’s important to note that grieving is a highly personal and individual process, and different people may find comfort in different ways. While some may benefit from sharing stories, others may find solace through different forms of expression or support.  Likewise, consider that grieving is not just someone’s process from a recent loss.  Some people may continue to grieve for a longer period, while others have short episodes of grieving, particularly during special calendar events, such as the winter holidays.

During the holidays, give oneself the space to grieve.  Seek support from others such as friends or a professional to talk the grief through and prioritize self-care.

Notice & Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are experiencing any mental health issues, please seek professional help. The author of this blog is not liable for any damages or injuries that may result from the use of the information provided here. 

When applicable, the names, gender identification, location and/or other identifiable characteristics have been modified to maintain privacy and confidentiality; whilst, still maintaining the integrity of their stories and narratives.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

1° Shift

Academic Article: The Power of Small Shifts in Personal Growth

Personal growth and development are often perceived as monumental tasks requiring significant effort and dramatic changes. However, much like the flight path of an airplane, a single adjustment can lead to substantial long-term changes. This is philosophy I call, 1° Shift.

The concept of making a 1° shift is a powerful metaphor for incremental progress. In aviation, even a small change in a plane’s trajectory can result in a substantial shift over time. If a plane alters its course by just 1°, the change may seem negligible at first. However, as the plane continues on this new trajectory, the difference after some time is no longer just one degree. Over a long distance, this small change can result in a significant deviation from the original path, potentially leading the plane to an entirely different destination.

This metaphor can be applied to personal development. One single action, but consistent adjustment in our behaviors, habits, or mindset can compound over time, leading to significant transformation. The key is consistency, persistence and the understanding that growth is a gradual process. As James Clear discusses in Atomic Habits, the power of tiny gains is profound: a 1% improvement each day results in a 37.78 times better outcome over a year (Clear, 2018). This principle underscores the importance of small, consistent actions in achieving long-term success.

The Physics Behind Small Changes Leading to Big Results

In physics, the concept of small changes leading to large outcomes can be illustrated through the principle of angular displacement. When an object rotates or changes direction, even a small angular change can result in a significant positional difference over time. This principle is particularly evident in projectile motion, where a slight change in the launch angle results in a vastly different trajectory and impact point.

This physical principle mirrors the concept of incremental change in personal development. Just as a small change in angle can alter the path of a projectile, a small change in behavior or attitude can lead to a significantly different life outcome. The cumulative effect of these small changes over time is what drives substantial personal growth.

Literature Supporting Incremental Change

The idea that small, consistent efforts can lead to significant outcomes is well-supported in the literature on personal development and behavioral psychology. In his book The Slight Edge, Jeff Olson (2005) argues that the small choices we make every day, when compounded over time, determine the quality of our lives. Olson emphasizes that success is not the result of a single, monumental effort but rather the accumulation of small, seemingly insignificant actions repeated consistently over time.

Similarly, in The Compound Effect, Darren Hardy (2010) highlights how small, daily disciplines lead to life-altering outcomes. Hardy explains that the compound effect is the principle of reaping huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices. These choices are so subtle that they may not even be noticeable, but over time, they can lead to significant results.

Conclusion

It only takes 1° to shift farther on your journey. It is a powerful reminder of the impact of a single repeated action leading to long-term development. Just as a plane can alter its destination with a slight shift in direction, we can enrich our lives by starting to make a small, consistent adjustment in our daily habits, mindset, and actions. Supported by principles in physics and behavioral science, this approach to personal growth emphasizes the importance of persistence, consistency, and the understanding that significant change is often the result of small, incremental steps.

References

Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery.

Olson, J. (2005). The Slight Edge: Turning Simple Disciplines into Massive Success and Happiness. Greenleaf Book Group Press.

Hardy, D. (2010). The Compound Effect: Jumpstart Your Income, Your Life, Your Success. Success Books.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

Pain is Inevitable, but Suffering is a Choice

We inevitably encounter painful experiences in life—breakups, humiliation, rejection, failure, and various stressors that challenge our mental and emotional well-being. These events can be understood as emotional or psychological pain, similar to the way physical injuries or diseases cause pain or discomfort to our bodies. Just as physical pain is a natural response to injury, emotional pain is a response to the mental and emotional “injuries” we face. However, while physical pain tends to subside with time or treatment, emotional pain may linger, even after the original cause has passed.

The key distinction I argue in this philosophy is the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is the initial emotional response to life’s inevitable hardships. It is unavoidable, much like the pain of a physical injury. But suffering—the prolonged and often deepened emotional distress we experience long after the event—is something we contribute to and, to a degree, choose.

Let’s consider physical pain as a metaphor. When you suffer an injury, the body’s natural healing processes often take over. A cut heals, a bruise fades, and with proper care, most physical wounds resolve. While the pain of the injury can be intense, it is typically temporary. Likewise, emotional pain from rejection, failure, or humiliation also has a natural course. Initially, it hurts, but in many cases, it, too, can fade over time, especially when we allow ourselves to process it healthily.

However, unlike physical pain, emotional pain can evolve into something more persistent—suffering. Suffering is what happens when we continue to hold on to the pain through the narratives we create in our minds. These narratives often revolve around self-blame, shame, and negative self-evaluation. We begin to revisit the painful experience repeatedly, analyzing it, assigning personal fault, and questioning our self-worth. Over time, this pattern transforms the pain into suffering.

The original emotional pain—the rejection, the failure—has ended. What sustains the suffering now is not the event itself, but the stories we tell ourselves about that event. For example, after a rejection, we might internalize the belief, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll always fail.” This self-blame and shame become a feedback loop, feeding the suffering and allowing it to persist far beyond the original pain.

Below is an excerpt of the therapy session I had to illustrate one example of how I applied this philosophy.

Brandi: I kind of lose control when things get off track. Over the weekend, my friend was celebrating her 30th birthday. I wasn’t going to go because of my upcoming surgery, but then I changed my mind. I wanted to be there for her since I heard she was upset that people were dropping out. So I went, even though I was worried about getting sick. And indeed, I believe I caught COVID from being there. I was really kicking myself for it—blaming myself. I should’ve been more careful since I knew surgery was coming up. But my first instinct was to take care of others. I didn’t think about isolating or protecting myself.

Dr. Ferrer: Many people, including you, go to that place of self-blame. The difference is, for you, it’s harder to get out of that loop. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. The pain there, of course, is the disappointment that your surgery is canceled because you need to be well to undergo the procedure. However, you stay in the suffering longer than necessary. That is, creating a narrative that shames you.

Brandi: Yeah, it’s like a Buddhist principle. I get stuck in it, even though I know logically there’s nothing I can do about it now. It already happened. There’s another surgery date, but I keep wallowing in the “I should’ve done this differently” mindset.

Dr. Ferrer: Think about how you treat your own kids when they’re in pain. Do you immediately tell them, “See, I told you so.” Of course not. There’s no difference in how you should treat yourself. You can give that same care to yourself, but instead, you revert to shame and blame. Pain is already that feeling let down when you realize that taking care of your friend by being present in her celebration may have caused you to catch a virus. It is something you cannot change anymore. But by responding to that pain with the negative narrative is that suffering you are choosing.

Brandi: It’s easy to tell myself I’m a failure. I beat myself up. I forgot to take care of myself when I should’ve. It’s simply hard to just stay in pain and not suffering. I was crying hard that Monday, and my partner didn’t know how to help. I think she was trying by keeping her distance because I was irritable, which is also a trigger for her. I was upset with myself, feeling like a failure for not thinking about protecting myself before the surgery.

Dr. Ferrer: And that’s where the spiral starts.

Brandi: Exactly. Then my daughter came downstairs and saw me crying. She was supposed to watch a movie, but my partner told her I wasn’t up for it. She got upset. I felt like I had to pull myself together because she needed me. So, I went to the bathroom, blew my nose, and told myself, “You have to get up. She’s a kid, she needs help.”

I took a walk with the dog, trying to comfort myself. But it felt like a battle—the mental loop was still there.

Dr. Ferrer: I hear you. And yet, you found a way to comfort yourself. That’s important. You recognized you needed to carry on, even though you were still in pain. In a way, you dealt with the pain but chose not to suffer by doing your best.

Brandi: Yeah, I told my partner what was going on in my head. I explained that when things like this happen, I spiral and beat myself up. But even though I was still struggling, I could see the loop and work through it.

Dr. Ferrer: You’re recognizing it now, which is a big step. The fact that you didn’t get stuck in the negative loop as long as you used to previously is progress. You’re shortening the duration of those spirals.

Brandi: Yeah, I can see that. It took a while, but I managed to pull myself out of it faster than I would’ve in the past. The next day, I called the surgeon’s office, and they postponed the surgery for 30 days. I felt nervous, but I answered the call, which felt like a victory in itself.

In essence, while pain is an inevitable part of life, suffering is something we often create and sustain through our own narratives of self-blame and shame. The distinction lies in our response: while pain arises naturally from difficult experiences, suffering is the result of holding on to and feeding that pain with negative thoughts. By recognizing this, we can choose to let go of the stories that perpetuate suffering and allow ourselves to heal emotionally, just as our bodies naturally heal from physical wounds. Ultimately, though we cannot avoid pain, we can decide whether or not to suffer.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

Disclaimer:
The information provided in this newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are experiencing any mental health issues, please seek professional help. The author of this blog is not liable for any damages or injuries that may result from the use of the information provided here.

When applicable, the names, gender identification, location and/or other identifiable characteristics have been modified to maintain privacy and confidentiality; whilst, still maintaining the integrity of their stories and narratives.

I’m Active, Not Busy!

Over 10 years ago, during a therapy session with a 12-year-old patient, I started the conversation by asking, “How are you? Have you been busy?” He paused for a moment and then replied, “No, active.” His response struck me, and it since changed the way I think about the words I choose to describe my intentions and how I go about my day.

I realized that using the word “busy” often leaves me feeling stressed and anxious, as though I’m running around without purpose—like a chicken with its head cut off. When I reflect on how people usually say they’re “busy,” it often seems to carry a sense of being overwhelmed or not in control of life’s demands. Some even wear “busy” as a badge of honor, as if juggling too many things is normal, even though they don’t actually enjoy the feeling.

This experience inspired me to continue to explore how the words we use everyday matter in the way we think and their impact on our feelings and actions. In my work as a practicing psychologist, I pay attention to individuals’ experiences associated with “feeling busy,” and suggest trying to use “active” to gain more control over their behaviors. In this article, I also explore the cultural and common idea of being “busy” in today’s world, looking at research that shows how the words we use shape our behavior, thinking, and wellbeing.

The word “busy” seems to be a common answer to the question, “How are you?” For many, being “busy” has become a way of life, almost a standard response that suggests a sense of productivity and purpose. But is this really the case? The word “busy” often implies that we are overwhelmed and constantly reacting to endless demands. It suggests a lack of control over our time and energy, and it can carry a heavy sense of stress.

The Problem with “Busy”

When people describe themselves as “busy,” they might actually be conveying that their lives feel chaotic and unmanageable. Research shows that this perception of busyness is often linked to increased stress and burnout. A study by Gordon et al. (2019) found that the language we use to talk about our daily lives, like saying we’re “busy,” is directly related to how much stress we experience. People tend to feel less in control when they frame their day-to-day tasks as overwhelming and unmanageable.

In contrast, I argue that when we think of ourselves as “active,” there’s a shift in how we approach our tasks. Being “active” suggests intention and purpose—it implies that we are engaged in our activities by choice, rather than feeling trapped by them. This shift in perspective can make a significant difference in how we experience our daily lives.

Words Shape Our Reality

The idea that language shapes how we think, and feel has long been studied in the field of psychology. According to the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis (Whorf, 1956), the words we use influence our perception of reality. For instance, a study conducted by Boroditsky (2001) demonstrated that people who speak different languages perceive time differently based on how their language structures the concept of time. This finding shows that our words don’t just reflect our thoughts; they actively shape them.

When we repeatedly use the word “busy,” it can reinforce feelings of stress and anxiety, making it more challenging to find calm in our everyday activities. On the other hand, using a word like “active” can encourage a mindset that focuses on purposeful action and engagement, helping us feel more in control and less overwhelmed.

Changing Language, Changing Behavior

Research has also shown that changing our language can lead to changes in our behavior. Carol Dweck (2006), in her study of mindsets, found that students who used language focused on growth and learning were more resilient and willing to embrace challenges. They developed what she termed a “growth mindset,” which significantly improved their problem-solving skills and adaptability.

Applying this idea to our daily lives, when we choose to describe ourselves as “active” instead of “busy,” we might find that we approach challenges with more intention and clarity. The simple act of changing our language can help us shift from feeling overwhelmed to feeling engaged and purposeful.

The Impact on Wellbeing

Our choice of words also has a profound impact on our overall wellbeing. Studies have shown that people who regularly describe their lives as “busy” are more likely to experience negative emotions, such as anxiety and stress (Matthews & Wells, 2020). In contrast, those who describe their activities as “active” or “engaged” tend to report higher levels of satisfaction and a greater sense of accomplishment.

Killingsworth and Gilbert (2010) conducted a study revealing that people are happiest when they are fully present in their activities, regardless of how many tasks they have. This finding aligns with the idea that being “active” promotes mindfulness and focus, while being “busy” can lead to distraction and a sense of losing control over one’s life.

Conclusion

Choosing to be “active” rather than “busy” is more than just a shift in language—it’s a shift in mindset. This change can help us regain control of our lives, turning what feels like chaos into a series of purposeful actions. By reframing our tasks as part of a chosen engagement rather than overwhelming demands, we create a more balanced, intentional approach to our daily activities.

Read more from Rizaldy R. Ferrer, Ph.D.

References

Boroditsky, L. (2001). Does Language Shape Thought? Mandarin and English Speakers’ Conceptions of Time. Cognitive Psychology, 43(1), 1-22.

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.

Gordon, C., Montgomery, A., & Napier, S. (2019). The Language of Stress: How Words Relate to Mental Health. Journal of Applied Linguistics, 15(2), 210-227.

Killingsworth, M. A., & Gilbert, D. T. (2010). A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind. Science, 330(6006), 932.

Matthews, G., & Wells, A. (2020). Stress and Language: The Role of Everyday Expressions in Mental Health. Health Psychology Review, 14(3), 456-478.

Whorf, B. L. (1956). Language, Thought, and Reality: Selected Writings of Benjamin Lee Whorf. MIT Press.

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